What A Day

Saturday blahs...

2009-10-17T13:31:00.002-05:00

It's Saturday...and I'm at work. And, my sweet husband is at home taking care of my sweet children. Really. No one should have to work on Saturdays - especially when they work Monday through Friday too. I plan to make that rule when someone puts me in charge of something.

The Wedding Girl

2009-09-28T12:10:00.002-05:00

Well. It's starting. Gone are the days of Carlee being completely care-free. She has become a self-conscious little girl. And, it makes me sad.

We went to a wedding Saturday night. Carlee was the only little girl there her age who wasn't a flower girl. The other three girls (including her cousin Jenna) were all in matching "twirly" flower girl dresses (and we all know how Carlee feels about twirly dresses). She looked really, really cute - even if she wasn't in a flower girl dress. But, she didn't "feel" like she was as cute as they were.

While we were having dinner at the reception, Carlee broke off a piece of her bread, walked over to me and whispered "mom, can we go give this to the wedding girl?" My sweet tender hearted girl. I told her I thought the wedding girl already had bread, but we could go say hi to her. She said "no thank you" and put her little head down.

When it came time to dance, she went out on the floor and did ballerina twirls...looked like she was having a ball. Then, 'the wedding girl' picked up each of the flower girls and danced with them...and Carlee stood back and watched. I kept seeing her get close to her, but then back up. When it came time to leave, I put her in her car seat and saw big tears falling down her face. When I asked her what was wrong she said "momma, I was trying so hard to think of a cool dance, and I just couldn't." Oh sissy, your dancing was beautiful. "But momma, I wanted to do a cool dance like the other girls, and I just couldn't think of anything". I assured her several times that her dancing was cool. Then, it occurred to me that she was sad because she didn't get to dance with the 'wedding girl'. When I asked her if that's why she was sad, she said "yes, I wanted to, but I was too shy."

So, my sister is getting married this weekend and will be a beautiful 'wedding girl'. We have secured a dance with her! Carlee said "I'm not shy at Lissa, just people I don't know." (Lissa is her Aunt Melissa). We've got her twirly dress all ready too.

Even though I knew it wasn't a big deal, in her little precious, tender heart, it was a big deal. And it made me so sad to see her sad.

I really hope boys are easier.

2009-09-22T11:27:00.002-05:00

Scripture memory has never been my thing. I want it to be my thing. But, it's not. This memory of mine doesn't seem so great. That's the excuse I use. But every single day as I try to just get through life, I realize how much I need it. I've always heard that if you 'hide the Word in your heart' you have the solution. And, I know that's true.

So, the verse I taped to the left corner of my computer monitor today is:

"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute...dwell on these things". Philippians 4:8

Now, if I'll just do a little more than memorizing it - and actually live it.

The discipline delima

2009-09-21T11:58:00.003-05:00

This discipline thing might just get the best of me...I've got a whiner on my hands. A typical morning goes a little like this:

Me: Carlee, would you like blueberry waffles or cereal for breakfast?
Carlee: (in her "mean" voice) I don't WANT waffles or cereal.
Me: Your choices are waffles and cereal - you can choose, or I will choose for you.
Carlee: (crying now) no, no, no, I don't want waffles OR cereal.
Me: go sit in your room until you're ready to choose.

And...then goes the crying fit.

Then, it's time to get dressed and we go through the same thing but up the whining a notch. Because, of course she can only wear skirts that "twirl". And, we only have so many skirts that twirl.

So, last night we started earning marbles. We'll see how it goes.

When she obeys the first time, she gets a marble. If I have to tell her twice, she doesn't get a marble. If I have to tell her three times, she gets a marble taken away. If she speaks to us disrespectfully, she gets a marble taken away. When she earns 20 marbles, she gets to pick out a treat. We counted out 20 marbles so she could see what 20 looks like and she's ready to go.

I also let her pick out her clothes for the whole week. I laid 10 outfits on her bed and let her pick from them and decide what she wants to wear each day. She's definitely a control freak (wonder where she gets that), so I think this will help.

So far, so good. Last night she earned 2 marbles for getting in the bath tub the first time I asked and getting in her bed (and staying) the first time. Then, she got another this morning for choosing her breakfast and getting dressed with ZERO drama. Please God, let this last!

My prayer is to raise my children to be respectful, caring, kind and unselfish. I'm certain you all have things that work with your kids...please share!

Back at it...

2009-09-20T22:25:00.003-05:00

I think I'm back...we'll see how it goes. I've made a commitment not to be on the computer while my kids are awake. I only get a few hours a day with them, so I don't want anything unnecessary to take away from that time.

So, you probably saw this on my FB post yesterday. I've been really, really disturbed by what I saw at Wal-Mart - I can't shake it.... Granted, on any given day there's probably plenty to be disturbed about at Wal-Mart, but this takes the cake.

When I turned my half-full cart down the canned goods isle a man stomped by me yelling...He was actually calling his wife stupid and ignorant and told her she wasn't "allowed" to walk off. Bless his poor little heart, he was carrying 4 cans of green beans and didn't have the cart right next to him when he pulled them off the shelf. You I passed them again on the next isle...and he was still yelling about the same stinkin' thing. The woman never said a word. She looked straight ahead - no emotion. They had a teenage boy and another little boy who was maybe 4. If you could see the sadness in their eyes, it would just break your heart. So, here's the reality - if this jerk thinks it's ok to yell at her in the middle of a crowded Wal-Mart, I can only imagine what it's like in their house. My heart is sad for them. Those boys probably aren't going to bed happy like my kids are tonight. I kind of doubt they got hugs and kisses and bed-time stories. She probably never has that feeling of just being loved. I hope they all know they are loved by a gracious savior.

Maybe tomorrow I'll have some happier things on my mind...I'm praying God's protection over them. Will you join me?

Break Time

2009-05-28T06:15:00.002-05:00

I'm sure you've already figured it out...but I'm taking a break from blogging for a little while. Still reading all the great blogs that I'm addicted to, but just not writing. I'm sure I'll be back.

Thumbelina

2009-03-24T12:04:00.003-05:00

Wow...it's been a while.

Because I know you've all been wondering - I no longer have a thumb-sucker. And it was all for this...Barbie Thumbelina (Thumbelina - ironic huh).By Friday she'll have enough 'dollars' saved to buy one. She is so proud of herself. And I'm proud of her. I still catch her with it in her mouth when she's deep in sleep - but those moments are getting more rare. Hopefully after she stops for a while, that will stop too. Now...the new problem - putting EVERYTHING in her mouth.

So, yesterday I stayed home from work sick. And, I kept Carlee and Eli home with me (I'm not sure how smart that was).

Here was Carlee's prayer at lunch:

'Jesus, thank you for my mommy staying with me all day today. Please Jesus, let Jenna come play in my playhouse with me. And I love my mommy and I love my daddy. Amen'.

Not glad I didn't feel good...glad my sweet girl was home with me.

And, Eli - my little man. He's pulling up on everything and every-once-in-a-while gets brave enough to let go with one hand. He crashes into things, crawls under things and bangs his head, falls off things...and never cries - just keeps on going. Is this a sign of things to come? Carlee was, and is, afraid of everything - no risk taking, nothing dangerous. I love this little guy.

Last thing...I would love to hear pre-school opinions/suggestions? I'm considering a couple of scenarios for Carlee. I was told last week that to be where she needs to be to start Charleston kindergarten (and not be behind) she needs to do 4-day pre-school (full days). Thoughts/opinions?

Thumb-sucking update

2009-03-09T11:36:00.002-05:00

Saturday was the official day - and she did really well! We went to Wal-mart and picked out a new fuzzy pink blanket. Then, went to the toys and took a picture of the toy she wants to buy when she's "done" sucking her thumb - Barbie Thumbelina. I took a picture of it with my phone so she can see it when she needs a reminder. She said bye to her "silky" Saturday night...but by nap-time on Sunday she wanted it back...really bad! I thought I might cave...but nope. And, she made it through.

On the way to church yesterday morning she said "mommy, I'm proud of myself for not sucking my thumb". Me too, Carlee. Me too!!!

Growing up

2009-03-05T05:20:00.002-06:00

So, my little girl is turning into a big girl. This weekend we will begin trying to "help" her stop sucking her thumb. Except for when she's sleeping, she usually only sucks her thumb when she has her "silky" (if you'll remember, after she lost "bumpy" she moved on to silky). So, several weeks ago she stopped taking silky to Ms. Amanda's. But when she gets home she makes a bee-line to her bedroom, grabs silky and sticks that thumb in her mouth. It's almost funny...has to get a little fix.

So, Saturday we're going to have a ceremonial putting silky away - and we're going to Target so Carlee can pick out a new "Big Girl" blanket for her bed. Then toys-r-us to pick out her "goal" toy. So, every day she doesn't suck her thumb she gets to put a dollar in her can - When she gets $20, she gets to buy her toy. She is sooo award driven...so I think this will work...I hope so at least.

And so...she's growing up. Last night she requested Dora before going to bed...which she calls DURA - thanks to my mom. So here was our exchange:

Carlee - Can I watch Dura?
Me - Yes, but you say it DORA like Door-A.
Carlee - Mom, really. I say it how I want to say it You say it how you want to say it.

And that was it.

Good times.

Prayer for my mom

2009-03-01T22:01:00.002-06:00

Please say a prayer for my mom this week. She's an amazing, amazing woman and has unbelievable strength. and faith. She really is strong. But, beneath it all, I know there are tears in her heart. I know she misses my dad terribly and wishes he were here so she could enjoy life with him. My heart hurts for her...and it hurts for me and my sisters. He died 7 years ago March 3.

Most of you already know the story...If not, I wrote about it last year. It's long.

The cool thing is that Jenna was born 3 years later on March 4. I think my dad had something to do with that. We can be sad on Tuesday, then we celebrate on Wednesday!

Just in time

2009-02-24T21:13:00.002-06:00

Thank you God for washable, non-toxic markers...caught him just in time. This could have gotten ugly!

Notice he's giving me the stink eye...how dare I take away his green marker just when he was getting started.

2009-02-23T11:57:00.002-06:00

In case you're wondering...I am a loser. Well, not totally a loser - because I think I've got some pretty good qualities. But loser in the sense that I am not going to do what I said I was going to do. Remember back when I was so sure that I was going to run that 5K in LR? Well, I'm not. Once I got sick and my kids got sick, I never stepped on the treadmill again. And, once you quit getting up at 5, it's pretty darn hard to start doing it again. Even if it's just 30 minutes more sleep. 30 extra minutes is awesome! So, I gave up. I don't like it. But, I did it.

Last week, I got back on the treadmill and have been very consistent. No more pressure, no more guilt. Just doing what I can - which I think is what I need right now.

And...no more house cleaner. After getting rates I decided I would just do it myself. I'm just too cheap. Maybe one of these days it will be important enough to me to pay what I've got to pay to get someone to do it. Until then, I'll either have a messy house, or be tired from cleaning it myself.

Random

2009-02-15T17:02:00.002-06:00

So, I think I've talked my sweet husband into letting me get someone to help clean the house 2x month! YEA!!! I know that really, it's the work at home moms who need someone to clean...because I've seen what happens when I try to clean on the weekends - when the kids and the husband are around. You'd think that since we're never home during the week, the work I do on the weekends would last...you would think...

I just want someone to clean the floors/bathrooms/dust etc. Ideally on Friday - so I can enjoy the clean house on the weekend - and not feel like I have to spend the whole weekend cleaning. I would LOVE to be able to play with the kids and not spend the entire weekend cleaning...wouldn't that be nice.

So, if you know me - and know where I live - and know of someone who would be willing to drive to where I live, I would love to have some names. I like the kind of clean where you walk in the house and it smells clean...ahhh.

2009-02-05T06:39:00.002-06:00

Don't you just love wagons, princess dresses, warm days, daddys and little bald babies? I do.

Sitting up!

2009-02-04T13:11:00.002-06:00

OK, so I'm pretty sure no one cares about this but me...but this blog is also doubling as Eli's "baby book" because I'm terrible at writing in his real book...and I'll never remember this stuff!

He went from laying down to sitting up all by himself last night! Once he figured out he could do it there was no more laying down! It doesn't seem possible that he could be almost 9 months old...I want to freeze this and make it last a little longer!

The dream

2009-01-31T09:02:00.002-06:00

Last night when I was reading Carlee her book before bed and here was our conversation:

Carlee: mommy, I had a dream about you and daddy.
Me: Really, what did you dream.
Carlee: You were an elephant and he was a lion.
Me: oh really. And what did we do.
Carlee: I don't know.
And that was the end...off to sleep.

There's one to boost your self esteem. An elephant? Really? :)

My guilty pleasure

2009-01-26T21:11:00.003-06:00

So, I'm publicly admitting that The Bachelor is one of my guilty pleasures. And...I'm also admitting that I am a grown woman (that's weird to say, because I really don't feel like a "woman") anyways...I am a grown woman and I spend most of my time watching the show embarrassed for those crazy girls. You can totally tell the ones he's not into - and when they start going in for the kiss I get sooooo embarrassed for them! Sometimes so bad that I have to change the channel until it's over.

Tonight I told Eli that he's not allowed around crazy girls like that. For real.

So...I'm thinking it's going to be Jillian...anyone agree?

Tomorrow night...my other guilty pleasures - American Idol and Biggest Loser. It's sad being me! :)

Friday night recomendations...

2009-01-23T22:28:00.003-06:00

Had "girls night" tonight...ate a little Joe's Italian (I recommend) and watched Bride Wars (also recommend).

OK, so the movie was a little hokey - but it's great when you want to just sit and veg and not get scared, cry, or have to think...it was just one of those kind of movies where you just laugh and feel kind of normal when you leave. I needed that today.

Good stuff about moving companies

2009-01-23T13:01:00.003-06:00

So, I really need to give ABF U-Pack Moving some link love. If you're ever moving out of state, and your move is over 500 miles, definitely check them out...one of the best moving companies out there! First, ABF is an extremely reputable company (which is a big deal when you're trusting someone with all of your stuff) Second, it's really easy. Third, it's really affordable.

Basically ABF delivers either a moving trailer or ReloCube (small container) to your home. You load all of your stuff. ABF drives it to your new home and you unload your stuff. It's kind of a happy medium between a "full service" mover and a rental truck. It's a lot easier than driving a rental truck, but costs A LOT less than full service mover (in fact, it costs about the same as a rental truck.)

I'm pretty sure most people who read this aren't going to be moving any time soon (far away at least)...but if you are...now you've got someone else to check with!

Ponies and Hippos...

2009-01-21T11:43:00.004-06:00

I have to post an email that my friend Amanda (who keeps Carlee and Eli during the day now) sent me yesterday...

okay, so Kate and Carlee want to get married so they'll be friends forever. So I
do the ceremony making them promise to be nice to each other and always love
each other as friends forever. They hug and Carlee tells Kate she has a present
for her. She then hands her Kate's horse. Kate then says that she has a present
for Carlee and picks up a toy hippo. Carlee takes the hippo, chunks it across
the room and says "Hey, I wanted a pony!"

Hilarious. There was a life lesson for Carlee in that. You know...be thankful for what you're given. But...I have to say, there was also a little life lesson in there for me. You know what it's like when you have an expectation - and it doesn't happen. When you'd love a homemade card from the kids and instead you get an address book made out of dried leaves... :) Guess when I sulk, it's kind of like throwing the hippo! :)

2009-01-20T11:57:00.003-06:00

OK, so due to Becca's prompting...I'm going to get real. (Take at look at her "get real" list. I think it will inspire you!) I think I'm usually pretty real on here - save a few things that I'd rather not share with anyone but my hubby and those who are closest to me. But, here are some things that I may or may not have shared already...

I am extremely self-conscious about my weight. It keeps me from being social, and it keeps me from being comfortable talking with people I don't know well. In fact, I often think that people who I've never met in person won't like me because of my "looks".
My left big toenail is disgusting. It fell off after a long backpacking trip (5 days in British Columbia) and it hasn't been the same since.
I have a crazy fear of something bad happening to my children. Like, when I'm at an intersection, I envision another car running the light and hitting us.
I am terrible at math. I want to be good at it. I try to be good at it. I'm not good at it.
When I really want to understand something that's difficult for me to grasp, I have to research it, and write it down. Just reading it doesn't work for me. My mind just doesn't work that way, and it's embarrassing sometimes.
I want to memorize scripture. But, I don't do it. My good intentions always fail (see #5)
I don't mind not being the boss, until it comes to my marriage. That's where I want control. I think my way is the best way - and I let my sweet husband know on a regular basis. What to dress the kids in, how to load the dishwasher, which slot the small spoons go in the silverware drawer, what to use to wash the kitchen counter tops (ok, you can't use Dawn dishwashing detergent for the kitchen cabinets...somebody tell my husband).
I have a weakness for cleaning products. I don't always use them - my house is a mess right now. But, I like to have them. Right now I'm eyeing that infomercial steam mop.
I am not crafty, nor am I good at decorating. I wish I were. I know it would be fun to join in on making fun things and posting pictures of the creative masterpieces. But, it drains me to even think about trying it. And, I'm jealous of all of you who do it!
I was in an abusive relationship once...for way too long...and it changed me forever.

Time to save!

2009-01-17T08:06:00.002-06:00

Being so concerned about what's going on in the economy, we're trying to be very wise about every dollar that we spend in order to save every dollar that we don't spend. In November, we began seriously cutting things back and here's what we were able to do:

Satellite - cut back to the bear minimum - saved $50/month - $600/year
Home phone service - cut back to the bear minimum (our Internet service is through the phone line, so we have to have the minimum) - saved $20/month - $240/year
Eating out - (this is huge). We were spending around $400/a month eating out. We've cut that to less than $100/month - so a $3600 savings over a year! So, if you ask me out to eat, and I say I can't...this is probably why. We usually limit eating out to once during the week (with a friend or something) and once together (if event that)...we just eat at home most of the time now.
Buying stuff - you know, trips to Target or Walmart, where you just see stuff that you like and buy it? I was unknowingly spending about $100/week on stuff like that. I've cut that back to NOTHING. I just don't do that anymore. That saves $400/month and $4800/year
Diapers - Starting to use the cheap ones - Saves $40/month - and $480/year.
Formula - Switched to the store brand (asked pediatrician about this and she said it was fine). Saved $40/month - and $480/year.
Childcare - Changed from Daycare to in home care. They get amazing care now and save $3000/year.

We also do stuff like turning the heat off while we're not at home during the day. Making sure EVERYTHING we're not using is unplugged. Saving on our electric bill has been huge.

That's over $13,000 in savings over a year. EXCITING!!

Now, we're working on re-financing our house with a better interest rate. Unfortunately when we were getting close to finishing the interest rate rose quickly with all of the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac stuff going on. So when we locked in, interest rates were at 6.5%. Now they're around 5.1% or less - so great time to refinance and save even more.

What are you doing to save? I'm open to some things we haven't thought of!

And one...And two...

2009-01-15T08:14:00.005-06:00

OK, I've got these step things - well actually they're Kerry's and I'm borrowing them. Can I go ahead and tell you that I stepped up and down on them for 20-minutes on Monday (alternating legs and doing upper body free weights after 20 steps on each leg) - and I literally could not walk on Tuesday. For real. I'm thinking it worked. Oh my goodness...my calves, butt, quads, inner thighs, outter thighs. Who knew stepping up and down on a couple of steps would do that? Um...apparently not me. Chris has been walking around the house saying "mommy needs to learn moderation". I did it again this morning...but just used one step. Still got the burn, but maybe I'll be able to walk tomorrow.
So, if you're looking to reduce the size of any of the parts I listed above - I'm recommending a step.

No more blahs...

2009-01-10T19:25:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I feel kind of blah...then I look at a little boy with a funny little grin, who puts his arms around my neck and hugs me, who laughs when I tickle him, who pulls on my nose, and gives me open mouth kisses...and I don't feel quite so blah.

Then, I look at a little girl with crazy hair, sucking her thumb, who wants to paint our fingernails together, who wants to "fix" my hair, who hides from me and giggles, who says mommy, I love you....and I REALLY don't feel so blah.

First day

2009-01-07T18:39:00.002-06:00

Carlee had a great time at her new "day care" today. She talked about Kate until she fell asleep on the way home...apparently they had a hard time taking a nap because they were talking and giggling. I had a feeling that would happen. I've got a little chatter and giggler! So, I've threatened not getting to go to a birthday party on Saturday if she doesn't take a nap tomorrow. Hopefully that will do it. It was just an exciting day...and I kind of know what it's like to want to talk!

Not only that...they made cookies and sent one home for Chris and me. yum! oh, but that's not on my diet. darn.

Saying Goodbye

2009-01-05T21:42:00.005-06:00

Tomorrow is Carlee and Eli's last day at daycare. It's bittersweet - Carlee has been there since she was 10 weeks old and has some friends that she just loves. And really, to tell the truth, change just makes me nervous.

10 week old Carlee!

But, we're so, so excited that they're going to Mrs. Amanda's house. I think it's one of the best decisions we've made in a while! Certainly an answer to prayer. Not only do I know they're going to get amazingly good care, they'll both have friends to play with...Kate is Carlee's age and Abby is Eli's age - how cool is that! Best of all, they'll get to sleep until almost 7 every morning b/c I can bring them in their pj's! Carlee's really excited about that (right now she has to get up at 6 to get dressed and eat breakfast - and she's NOT a morning person!) I just love that they're going to have a sweet mommy taking care of them and they're not just one of several kids in a classroom.

Don't get me wrong - our daycare has been wonderful. But, it's nice for them to get to stay at "home" and not be in a school setting all of the time. And here's another plus - maybe I won't have to take them to the dr. so much! Less kids hopefully means less sickies!

Here's the plan...

2009-01-04T16:03:00.002-06:00

So, I'm doing a 5K in March. Here's the plan for the next 6 weeks...

Week One
Mon Rest
Tue Run 1 min, walk 1 min. Do 10 times
Wed Rest
Thu Run 2 mins, walk 4 mins. Do 5 times
Fri Rest
Sat Rest
Sun Run 2 mins, walk 4 mins. Do 5 times

Week Two
Mon Rest
Tue Run 3 mins, walk 3 mins. Do 4 times
Wed Rest
Thu Run 3 mins, walk 3 mins. Do 4 times
Fri Rest
Sat Rest
Sun Run 5 mins, walk 3 mins. Do 3 times

Week Three
Mon Rest
Tue Run 7 mins, walk 2 mins. Do 3 times
Wed Rest
Thu Run 8 mins, walk 2 mins. Do 3 times
Fri Rest
Sat Rest
Sun Run 8 mins, walk 2 mins. Do 3 times

Week Four
Mon Rest
Tue Run 8 mins, walk 2 mins. Do 3 times
Wed Rest
Thu Run 10 mins, walk 2 mins. Do twice then run for 5 mins
Fri Rest
Sat Rest
Sun Run 8 mins, walk 2 mins. Do 3 times

Week Five
Mon Rest
Tue Run 9 mins, walk 1 min. Do 3 times
Wed Rest
Thu Run 12 mins, walk 2 mins. Do twice then run for 5 mins
Fri Rest
Sat Rest
Sun Run 8 mins, walk 2 mins. Do 3 times

Week Six
Mon Rest
Tue Run 15 mins, walk 1 min. Do twice
Wed Rest
Thu Run 8 mins, walk 2 mins. Do 3 times
Fri Rest
Sat Rest
Practice running the whole thing

2008-12-31T12:53:00.002-06:00

Do I have the cutest kids in the world or what? :) I love that they love each other so much.

Confession

2008-12-28T21:09:00.003-06:00

I've got a confession to make. I'm selfish. It's something that I've known about myself for awhile. But something that I've not been willing to change because, well, if I'm not selfish, then I don't get what I want. Right?

Here's what usually happens...Let's say it's a holiday, or my birthday - you get the picture. I have an expectation of what I think "people" are going to do for me. So, I've got a scenario in my head of what's going to happen - and it's all of the things that I would want to do for other "people". Then, guess what? It doesn't happen. Something else might happen that's not as thoughtful or special (in my mind)...then I'm disappointed and I get sad. Let's face it...sometimes I even cry. What?

I realized at Christmas this year, when I found myself re-living the above scenario, that I'm tired of getting sad about silly stuff like that. I find myself wanting "people" to do things for me, say things to me etc. that show me that I'm important to them - so important that they really want to do or say something that will show me how much they care. When I got sad this weekend, here's what I kept hearing over and over in my head...You've got a loving, caring Savior who has shown you over and over and over. He's even given you the ultimate gift and he did it because He loves you.

That's powerful stuff. So, I'm working on it!

Core training

2008-12-23T05:50:00.002-06:00

If anyone is interested...Eli is teaching Pilates at my house. 5:30 a.m. :)

2008-12-22T12:35:00.002-06:00

I haven't been very nice to my sweet husband lately. I could make up excuses...but I won't. I've just been grouchy and he's taken the brunt of it. We have an amazing relationship - the ability to talk things out without getting angry or yelling...tears maybe, but no yelling. So, I'm going to try really hard to be nice. Even when I'm grouchy.

Chris will tell you that he knew he was going to marry me instantly (who can blame him, right?) :) I, on-the-other-hand, wasn't that quick. Not because he wasn't super. But because I was in a weird transitional time in my life. But here's when I knew...The day I got the phone call that my mom and dad had been in a wreck, I was at Chris' apartment in Harrison. We had just come in from a walk around his neighborhood. I noticed several missed calls on my phone. He was there to see me fall to my knees screaming when my sister told me about the accident and that mom was in critical condition but she didn't know about dad. He listened to me cry out in prayer as we drove. He had to watch me scream out when Kerry called to tell me mom was OK, but dad was gone. He sat beside me as I cried, and cried and cried...He met most of my family, for the first time, grieving in a hospital and at a funeral. He took all of his remaining vacation days to be with me - and I didn't pay much attention to him. He was just there, supporting me when I needed him. He drove to my mom's house every single weekend for months - a 3-hour drive one way. All of this, and we had met only 2 months before. Most people would have bolted...but he didn't.

So, I read this verse in 1 Corinthians 13...it described him. And I knew.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Growing Up

2008-12-18T20:29:00.002-06:00

Eli crawled for the first time today! It's not a "real" crawl yet - more of an army crawl. But he got on the hardwoods and took off - after a snowman that he wasn't supposed to have. I have a feeling life is about to get a little more interesting...

There's more!
One of his bottom front teeth came all the way through today - and the other looks like it's about to pop through! What an exciting day for Eli (and his mommy)!

What I love about my friends...

2008-12-17T19:19:00.002-06:00

I had a random thought today...I thought about my favorite people - the friends in my life who have for some reason chosen to invest in me. I love them because they fit the qualities that I love to see in people...

I love it when people consider how what they say and do affects people...and think better of it when it is something that may be hurtful.
I love it when people are able to talk about things that bother them calmly and rationally without blowing up.
I love it when people are alone and singing in their cars.
I love it when without a thought, people give things away that mean something to them just because they know someone else would love having it and could use it more.
I love it when people are able to see other people's point of view.
I love it when people can refrain from using offensive language when something upsets them.
I love it when people are humble enough to apologize - even if they're not "really" wrong.
I love it when people can give and take a joke.
I love it when people are kind and respectful to everyone...even if they "mess up" - like the waitress who makes a mistake on an order or the Wal-Mart checker who is going too slow.
I love it when people aren't easily angered.
I love it when people have to wait a long time in line and don't complain.
I love it when people waive "thank you" when you let them out in traffic.
I love it when people mouth "sorry" when they accidentally pull out in front of you.
I love it when people tell you when they have a problem with you or something you've done, instead of talking about it behind your back.
I love it when I see people rally around their friends who are hurting.
I love it when people invest in other people's lives - expecting nothing in return.
I love it when people have kind and gentle hearts.

Good news...Good news...

2008-12-16T12:40:00.004-06:00

Oh my...it's been a long time. I took a little vacation (well, really I just need an extra hour or two in the day). I'll try to do better.

In case you're wondering...Baby boot camp was a success! Eli is going to sleep between 7:30 and 8 and sleeping until around 5:30 a.m. And, he figured it out really fast...not much crying. He still wakes up at night and cries for a few minutes every few days, but can put himself back to sleep pretty quickly. YAY Eli!

And here's more good news...Memaw is keeping Carlee and Eli (and Jenna) Friday night so Chris and I can go out to eat. We haven't been anywhere by ourselves...without the kids...since August. It's time!

Have a super duper Christmas!

little case of the grouchies

2008-12-06T23:03:00.002-06:00

I've been a terrible blogger. Not only have I not had that much to say lately, I'm pretty sure that if I did, I'd be too tired to say it *whine* Both kids have been snotty and coughing. Carlee had some bad asthma issues that kept us up a few nights. And pretty much, I'm just grouchy. Chris and I have been staying away from each other. You know when you're really tired how bad little things irritate you? (or is that just me?) Well...either way...I'm there. This isn't the time to be loading the dishwasher wrong, or putting unmatched socks in my sock drawer, or leaving wet, dirty washcloths in the shower. Really. I'm going to be grouchy the rest of today, then, I've really got to make a choice to not be grouchy tomorrow. I'll tell you how that goes.

So, baby boot camp had to come to a temporary halt. Once little dude is feeling better, we'll be back at it. He's actually doing pretty well...considering.

Boot Camp Update

2008-11-25T23:11:00.003-06:00

Last night Eli went to sleep at 7:30 and slept until 4:50! Awesomeness! I heard him wake up a couple of times, but put himself right back to sleep. Now, if I could just get him to stay awake until 8:30 at night, I think he just might sleep until 6. That would be even more awesomeness. But we're going to take what we can get for now. I put him to bed awake at 7:30 tonight (he actually fell asleep while I was feeding him, but I woke him a little when I put him in bed) - he cried for about 2 or 3 minutes and was out like a light. What a good boy!

So...we'll see how tonight goes. Then, we'll go to Nana and Papa's tomorrow night and will have to start all over when we get back. oh well...it's worth it to see Nana and Papa.

By-the-way...little dude is sitting up all by himself now. He looks so big!

Tea time

2008-11-24T19:45:00.001-06:00

There's a large princess tent/castle thing in my living room...and my husband is sitting in it. I think he might have a pink teacup. Does it get any better? That's a daddy.

The First Night

2008-11-22T15:52:00.003-06:00

Well...the first night of boot camp didn't really go as planned. I was at Bunco and Chris had "strict" instructions of what to do. Which did not include getting him out of bed when he started crying. He couldn't take the crying and I wasn't there to tell him not to do it, so it was another rough night.

I re-started today and put him down for his naps awake. Worked great for the first nap - no cries, just right to sleep and napped for an hour and a half! Not the case for the second one - he screamed for about 20 minutes before finally giving it up. Then, slept for right at an hour. We'll see how tonight goes!

Boot Camp

2008-11-19T19:48:00.003-06:00

Two more nights until baby boot camp begins. In the past 6 months I can count on two hands the number of nights we have "slept through the night"...and by that, I mean more than 5 hours of uninturrupted sleep. It just doesn't happen. Sometimes he wakes up every 3 hours, sometimes every two hours and a lot of times, every hour. Usually he goes right back to sleep. Sometimes he doesn't. Our day starts at 5 a.m., so somethings got to give.

So, he's not going to like it - and lots of people may not agree with it, but we're doing it. We're going to have to let him cry. Not looking forward to it.

Becca, I'm sure he'll thank you later for the cute little camo pj's he'll be wearing for boot camp.

Medical Advice

2008-11-12T21:12:00.002-06:00

OK, so I need a little help. Monday night I was hit hard with a stomach virus (I'll spare you the details). So, I had to miss work yesterday (I lost 5 pounds and got to sleep all day, so 2 good things came out of it!) :) Late in the afternoon the daycare called to tell me that Eli had a rash on his face, diarrhea and a barking cough...I have yet to hear the barking cough, but he has had diarrhea and the rash on his face. They "diagnosed" him as having Fifths Disease (who knew the daycare could diagnose medical conditions?)...I looked it up, but I'm not convinced that's what it is. His little cheeks and chin do looked chapped, but he's getting a tooth (that's almost through) and he slobbers all over, so I'm attributing it to that. And, it's cold outside, so his cheeks could just be wind chapped...He doesn't have a rash anywhere else on his body. So if you can give me a little insight on you know about Fifths disease - or what might cause diarrhea and flushed cheeks, let me know. His 6 mo. appt is Monday...

Great Christmas ideas!

2008-11-04T21:25:00.003-06:00

If you're looking for some great, original Christmas ideas, check out Sweet Pea and Pumpkin. Becca does some really fun stuff. The personalized Christmas ornaments would be great for teachers, kids...really anyone! She's doing the funky flowers for Carlee's room and I can't wait to see them!

Up for a Challenge?

2008-11-02T17:01:00.002-06:00

In case you're wondering, the weight loss has stopped. Not because I'm at a plateau and am working really hard, but it just won't come off - but because I've stopped trying. Oh my goodness that Halloween candy is good. Since when does everyone hand out Snickers? Do they know how much I love Snickers??

So, I need a new challenge.

And I've decided that I'm going to run a 5K (and I use the term "run" loosely)

So, are you looking for a challenge and need a little extra motivation? If so, I would LOVE for you to join me! I've decided on the Little Rock 5K, March 15, 2009 (If someone knows of a better one, let me know). We could do a little girls weekend in LR- run the race then maybe do some shopping and/or a massage! I hope there are so many of you who want to do this that we have to caravan!

I am not a runner - in fact, I don't like it at all. But, I beat myself up constantly because I'm so bad about starting things and not finishing them (when it comes to things for myself) - and I can't do that this time. It's going to take a lot of prayers, encouragement and accountability - but I'm doing it. Please consider joining me.

Kerry has a great program for training to run a 5K. I'll try to post it tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Dad!

2008-10-28T22:30:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. 6 years later, it still feels weird not getting to celebrate. Not that we ever did great big birthday parties for him - he wouldn't have liked that. But, I could always find a funny card that made him laugh - something with a monkey or a silly looking dog usually did the job. It was sooo hard to think of things to get him. The man had 200 flannel shirts and 250 western shirts with snaps (ok, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration) - and he liked to coyote hunt (which meant letting his dogs chase coyote's in the woods and listen to them bark - you can't kill coyotes). Not many present options with flannel shirts and coyotes.

Carlee knows that her grandad is in heaven with Jesus. Every-once-in-a-while she'll say "mom, what are my grandad and Jesus doing today?" Even though she never got to meet her grandad, I sure want her to know about him. Kind of like Carlee, I find myself wondering what he and Jesus are doing. Wouldn't it be awesome to know! Oh, I wish he was here - but I'm certain that he's really glad he's there!

Lookin' alike

2008-10-27T00:21:00.002-05:00

I usually don't think much about the fact that I'm a twin. But today I felt huge anxiety. Not because I care that people think I'm Kerry (it's actually a compliment - have you seen how great she looks!) It absolutely doesn't bother me at all (so if you're a guilty party - no worries). I just hate that it embarrasses people so much. And it really embarrasses some people - to the point that they avoid talking to us because they're afraid they can't tell us apart. It's fine to ask!!

When I was walking into church this morning the greeters at the front door said "hi Kerry", I said hi back, smiled and kept on walkin'. No need in correcting them since no conversation was going to happen. I didn't have Chris and the kids with me today, so on the way out of church, I made a bee-line for my car. On the way out a few people who I didn't know gave me a big "hi, how are YOU doing" not just a nice "how are you", but a "I know you and really want to know how you are - how are you". So, I did the ole' "I'm fine" and kept on walking!

But, tonight at the Fall Festival was a different story. They all needed me (well, Kerry) for something - so I had to gently let them down. Fine with me, but super embarrassing for them. Especially when it's people who know that I exist. Most people don't know that there's another Kerry roaming around.

A guy that Kerry used to work with calls me "fake Kerry". Now that's funny.

By the way...I can't tell us apart on the phone if that makes you feel any better!

backwards

2008-10-25T22:50:00.003-05:00

OK, so it occurred to me today that I might be a little strange - am I the only one in the world who reads magazines backwards? Everything I get the mail I read back cover to front cover...hummm. Not sure why. I'm pretty sure there's something psychologically wrong that's the root cause.

I think I need more sleep...

Rockin' my babies

2008-10-20T22:21:00.003-05:00

Eli doesn't like to sleep anymore. What's the deal? Everyone loves sleep. I guess he hasn't figured that out yet. You'd think in his long 5 1/2 months of living in this world he would have figured that out. Next time you see him, do you mind cluing him in?

So, it's 10:30...and past experience tells me that he's going to be awake in an hour or so - so why didn't I go to bed at 8:00 when he did? Good question. Tonight I put him down still awake - he cried for about 2minutes then put himself to sleep. I know that's what I should be doing, but I sure do love snuggling with that little dude. He's so stinkin' cuddly...and I know that my time with him as a baby is going to go fast. And...he's my last one, so it's hard for me to give that time up - even though all the books (and common sense) tell me that if you want him to learn to put himself back to sleep when he wakes up during the night, you can't rock him to sleep every night. OK, so maybe just every other night??

I tried to hold Carlee in my lap last night and rock her like I did before we had Eli - couldn't do it - she was too big...and my heart sank a little. I still rocked her, and carried her to bed cradled in my arms - with her head and legs flopping all the way. Do what you gotta do to hold on as long as you can.

Reflective...or not

2008-10-15T09:54:00.003-05:00

You'd think I would have a lot to write about. I'm spending a lot of time in a hotel room, by myself...it seems like I should be reflective - thinking about life and all. But, really, I've read two books, flipped through the channels on TV and slept a whole lot (when I'm not going to classes). Exciting stuff...I know. I've got 2 more nights left, so maybe I'll use them to be reflective...or maybe I'll go loose 20 bucks in a slot machine - we'll see. By the way - my nose has been stuffy since I got here - last night was the worst so I found myself paying $10.00 for a small bottle of nasal spray. $10.00!

We downloaded skype, so I got to see Chris, Carlee and Eli last night! Carlee thought it was pretty cool that she could see me on the comptuer. I thought it was pretty cool too! Technology is awesome.

Off to classes for the day.

Vegas

2008-10-14T15:19:00.002-05:00

I'm in Vegas baby...and I have to admit - there's some pretty cool stuff to see here. I just wish Chris was sharing it with me. For those of you who are wondering...apparently he's doing great. He says it hasn't been too hard.

Carlee asked me last night if I was still on the airplane...then asked if I was ever going to come home. I told her I would bring her home a surprise, and her requested surprise is a white pony that flies - anyone have an idea about where I would get a white flying pony? I guess if I were going to find one anywhere, it would be Vegas! I've seen some interesting stuff!

And, while I've been gone Eli has learned to roll over from his back to his front then back over...I'm sad that I missed that. Chris said he would video him tonight.

Super Dad

2008-10-10T11:30:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm off. I dropped Carlee and Eli off at the daycare, and I'm about to head to the airport. If you see Chris this week and he seems like he's in a daze...pat him on the back and tell him "good job". He's a super dad!

Way too long...

2008-10-04T23:01:00.002-05:00

I really, really need to be in bed. What in the world am I still doing awake?? Reality has hit this weekend that I'm leaving my kiddos and Chris this week and I'm starting to get sad...and a little anxiety. I know they will be fine. I worry about myself and I worry about Chris. But the kids will be fine. I leave this Friday and get back the next Friday. My heart is beating fast just thinking about it.

I know this conference will be a great opportunity and I'll learn a lot - but come on....no need for it to be this long! I'm sure they could teach all they need to teach in three days.

So, this week I'm not going to worry about my house and my schedule so much. I'm going to love on my kids and spend as much time with them as I can. My house may be a big ole mess...but that ok.

I miss them already...

My reality....

2008-09-30T07:38:00.002-05:00

This morning I was standing in front of the mirror drying my hair - and falling asleep standing up, with a loud roar and hot air blowing in my face...and I wondered why I'm so stinkin' tired. Please don't take this as complaining. It's not. I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anything. It's just my reality right now.

Here's a "typical" day.

Up at 5 a.m. shower, dress.
5:45 fix bottles and get lunches together
6:00 get Carlee up and throw her on the couch - feed her breakfast - get her dressed
6:30 get Eli up (well...this changes daily. Sometimes he gets up at 5 too) give him a bottle and feed cereal (this is new!)
7:00 out the door
7:30-4:30 work
4:30 pick up the kids
5:00 pick up Chris
Home at 5:45 ish
6:00 start supper while Chris plays with the kids
This is Eli's "fussy" time. So Carlee and I eat while Chris is trying to keep Eli from screaming his head off.
6:30 Give Eli his bath while Chris is eating
7:00 I give Eli a bottle while Chris puts Carlee in the bath (sometimes we switch off)
7:30 Eli to sleep
7:45 Read to Carlee and put her to sleep
8:00 exercise
9:00 clean up kitchen, wash bottles, pick up the mess in the LR
9:30 IN BED! Watch 30 min. of something I've DVR'd to wind down
10:00 ASLEEP! because I'll be up with Eli a couple of times during the night.
5:00 a.m. Do it all over again!

So...that's why I'm tired! Oh...and my husband helps me A LOT...so I'm not in this rodeo alone!

Woo Hoo!

2008-09-27T13:52:00.002-05:00

So, remember way back when I talked about loosing weight and how much of a struggle it has been my whole life...and now especially after Eli? Well, I've been pretty darn committed to doing this. I'm doing WW and exercising every chance I get. So, I lost 3 lbs. this week...making that a grand total of 21.5 lbs in 10 weeks. That means 2.5 lbs away from the camera that I want! I set little mini goals, so I get an awesome Nikon camera at 24 lbs. then another 10 lbs is family pics (can't wait for that Julie!) then another 10 lbs is a new chair for my bedroom. This is hard stuff...and I can hardly walk from Thursday's workout - but I'm sticking with it and feel really good.

OK, Eli and Carlee are both asleep at the same time...and that doesn't happen often! So, I'm off to clean the house - for the 100th time this week...I'm sure NONE of you know what that is like? :)

rollie-pollie

2008-09-25T12:33:00.002-05:00

Eli is on the verge of rolling over...if he could just figure out what to do with those arms that get in his way! Carlee was 10 months old before she could roll over - a direct result of chubbiness!

Oh, I just love this age. Everything I say to him in my crazy, high pitched voice puts a huge smile on his face. How can you not love that? AND...no more middle of the night bottle! YEA! So to bed at 7:30 and up at 5:30 - what a deal! I usually have to get up once to put his paci in his mouth...but I would do that anyway because I'm one of those crazy people who have to get up and check on my kids in the middle of the night. I do kind of wish I could get him to stay up past 7:30 so I could play with him a little more...but he doesn't agree. So, I'll just go with it.

Have I told you that I love being a mom.

Maybe later...

2008-09-17T21:40:00.003-05:00

Another funny Carlee conversation on the way home tonight...

Carlee: Mom, can I go there?
Me: Can you go where?
Carlee: There...
Me: Yes (I have no idea where she's talking about - sometimes yes is just a good answer)
Carlee: No mom, say "maybe later".
Me: Maybe later
Carlee: No mom, I want to go now.
Me: OK
Carlee: No mom, say "maybe later".

And...this continued through several rounds...

I'm not sure about her. I guess everyone needs a good argument sometimes. Even if you have to make one up.

The ring...

2008-09-16T20:56:00.004-05:00

My funny conversation with Carlee after we passed a billboard with a huge diamond ring (the one next to Toys R Us)

Carlee: Mom, why did Jesus put that ring on that sign?
Me: I don't know. Do you think Jesus put the ring on that sign?
Carlee: Um, yes. (in her, "of course he put it there" tone)
Me: I guess he wants us to see a beautiful ring.
Carlee: Why does he want us to see a beautiful ring?
Me: Well, I guess because he loves us.
Carlee: Why does Jesus love us?
Me: Because he thinks we're special.
Carlee: Oh, OK.

I love how a picture of a ring turned into a conversation with my sweet girl about Jesus loving us!

Medical Stuff

2008-09-12T20:33:00.003-05:00

Carlee
Carlee had what I thought was 'pink eye' on Wednesday...Chris stayed home with her and her pediatrician called in drops just in case...Well, case confirmed - now I have it. I'm not as good of a patient as Carlee was. It's making me crazy and it looks and feels disgusting.

Oh, and still no Bumpy...but she's doing fine!

Eli
Eli had his 4 month checkup and shots today. He handled the checkup great - the shots, not so much. He weighed 18 lbs 2 oz...off the charts for weight - and he was in the 78th percentile for height...I've got a big boy! She was still concerned about the hydrocele - thinking at first that it had turned into a hernia. The conclusion ended up being that it was not a hernia. She said if it wasn't better in two months (at his 6 mo. appointment) she would refer us to a urologist and we would talk about surgery...In my mind, that's going to be a completely last resort. She said it would be a really easy surgery, but they would have to put him under...I'm not interested in that unless it's absolutely necessary. We're just going to hope that it goes away between now and then so we don't have to worry about it.

He was asleep by 7:00 tonight - which I'm certain means he will be up in about 2 hours wondering why I never fed him! So...off to bed. I'm going to whine a little about my eye so maybe Chris will get up with him again tonight...:)

Pray for Nathan...

2008-09-12T08:50:00.003-05:00

Please pray for Nathan Pennington today. Nathan is 12-years-old and was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer this week. Many of you know Nathan's step-mom Amy (Hurt) Pennington.

Amy asked us to pray that
1. The cancer is only in one location. 2. The cancer is in early stages.

I believe that we serve a God who can heal. So, I'm praying for complete healing for Nathan today.

Please also pray for Nathan's family - Amy and Thomas Pennington, his brother Saul, his sister Rachel and his mom Rhonda.

Breaking News...

2008-09-08T21:21:00.003-05:00

Bumpy is missing.

We've looked and looked, but can't find "her" anywhere. I asked Carlee if Bumpy was a girl or a boy and she said "a girl mom. she's pink". OK.

The last time I remember seeing bumpy was Saturday at the Growing Kids sale. I have a feeling it may have fallen out in the parking lot when I was trying to lug all of Carlee's stuff (including her car seat) while I was pushing Eli in the stroller. I'm sure if that's the case, it's in a trash can somewhere.

It kind of makes me sad...I know it's time for Carlee and Bumpy to part ways, but I would have kept it - I've got a perfect place in my hope chest where it could have stayed until Carlee was older. I imagined years from now that I would pull it out and let her look at the dirty little blanket she slept with every night.

To top that off, we left "Silky" - which is by no means Bumpy, but will do in a pinch - at day care. So, tonight she went to sleep without the aid of either. This may be a new beginning! We shall see...

Random pics

2008-09-06T22:01:00.007-05:00

I'm hoping in a couple of years, I won't ever have to vacuum again...:)

My little man...

Becca - I did it! And I think it looks pretty darn good!

Happy Birthday Memaw

2008-09-06T21:43:00.003-05:00

Today is my mom's birthday...and you know what she's doing for her birthday? Having a slumber party at her house with Carlee and Jenna. She's such a great memaw!

I can remember being so embarassed by my mom. If you know her, you know that she's never met a stranger. Always, everywhere she goes, she talks to people - oh my goodness, that used to embarass me so terribly bad. And on top of talking to EVERYONE, she's also extremely oppinionated, and doesn't mind sharing everything on her mind - like it or not.

If you ask any of my friends who've met her, guaranteed, they can tell you a story about something that she's said to or around them that embarassed me...

The day that I stopped being embarassed by her was the day that she almost died. I'll never forget sitting outside the hospital waiting room a couple of days after their accident. A few ladies from mom's work came to visit her. When they walked out, Kay Lynn (who is now my manager!) walked over to us and said something along the lines of "I went in there to help her feel better and it ended up that SHE made ME feel better". That's just the way my mom is. In the midst of extreme physical pain and the sheer pain and heartache of seeing her husband die, she was trying to make everyone else feel o.k. There isn't a selfish bone in her body.

Sure, she still says things that make me roll my eyes, and she's still bossy, and she still thinks she's right about everything...but that's ok. God gave her back to us that crazy day and I'm so thankful!

I love you mom!

Bumpy's Crag

2008-09-03T08:14:00.004-05:00

We have about a 30 minute commute to and from work every day. Not too bad - it's nice to get a little talking time in...or at least back when we used to get talking time in. Now Eli cries most of the way to work and home - and not just a little cry - a "get me out of this car seat right now" cry. I read articles about people putting their kids in the car and driving them around to get them to sleep - not the case in our world.

So yesterday when he was screaming on the way home, my sweet Carlee offered him her "bumpy". If you're not familiar, "bumpy" is Carlee's blanket. She has had bumpy since birth. She holds it, sucks her thumb and rubs the "crag" - known to the rest of us as the tag. Bumpy is dirty and it stinks - and the "crag" has been rubbed down to just a few threads. But, she still rubs those few threads. Carlee may have bumpy when she gets married.

Chris and I decided early on that Eli wouldn't have a blanket and he wouldn't suck his thumb...until yesterday. When he held bumpy he got quiet. So, this morning we gave him a little blanket that he got as a gift with little "crags" all over it...and he hugged it all the way to work with very few tears. Chris said we may have to go to blankie therapy when he's 3 - but we'll worry about that later. Now he's a blankie man. Whatever works.

A familiar hug

2008-08-31T22:36:00.003-05:00

Today we went to my mom's house to do a big birthday party for her, Bryce, Kerry and me....we like to stretch birthday's out as long as we can at the Moore house - any excuse for chocolate cake!

While we were there, my aunt and uncle stopped by. We don't see them very often, so it was a bit of a surprise. (this is my dad's twin brother) We had a nice visit. . He talked about when they were little and how he would get in trouble every day, but my dad rarely did. It was fun to hear stories about my dad. His family doesn't keep in touch with us very often, so I love anytime we get to hear about what he was like as a kid.

Anyways...when they were leaving my uncle hugged me. I think it was the first time I've felt myself get sad in a long time.

Even though they're twins, their facial features don't look exactly alike. But, if you saw them from behind, it would be difficult to tell them apart - short legs and a round belly. I just see little snippets of him in my uncle. Especially his hands. His hands look just like my dad's.

When he hugged me, I felt my heart skip a beat. He said "love ya sis". I know that's what he calls his girls too, so it wasn't wierd that he said that...but those were the last words my dad spoke to me the Wednesday before he died and there was something about the way his hug felt that was familiar. I almost felt like I hugged my dad today. Oh I wish...

Wheezy's back!

2008-08-29T20:57:00.002-05:00

Ugh...the asthma is back. I was hoping that Carlee had outgrown it since she hasn't had any episodes in several months. Wednesday was her 3 year well child checkup...and of course it was the day she started coughing. So, her pediatrician was not in agreement when I told her I took her off her asthma/allegery meds. So, we're back to using the "breather" as Carlee calls it. She does great with her nebulizer - but she's been doing it since she was 6 months old, so I guess she's used to it.

I'll never forget the first time she was in "distress". I've never been so terrified in my life. Watching her struggle and her little belly moving so fast trying to get her breath. I'm a little less nervous now that I know how to deal with it. But I still hate every time it happens and I still have a rush of panic until she starts breathing better.

I'm just going to believe that she will eventually out grow it.

Jenna is spending the night with us tonight and I just heard Chris say "Your world's about to come crashing down girls". I'm not sure what that means...but it sure was funny! He's trying to convince them it's time to go to bed, but they're not in agreement...giggles everywhere!!

Eating and Sleeping (or lack thereof)

2008-08-27T22:20:00.003-05:00

OK, so I've talked about this before but haven't brought it up in a while...I'm on this quest to loose weight - and be healthy. So, I've been doing Weight Watchers for 6 weeks and have lost 17 lbs...but I'm at a stand still. So, I've kicked up the exercise - now I may not be able to get out of bed in the morning.

Uck...I hate thinking about, worring about, obsessing over weight. It's such a pain. I almost talked myself out of getting on the treadmill tonight - it was 9:00 before I got Eli to bed...I have to get up at 5...I need the sleep...but, I made myself do it and I'm glad I did. I pushed myself for an hour and it's worth it...tell me it's worth it??

Someone asked me this question several weeks ago and it stuck with me -

"Would you rather eat anything you want or wear anything you want".

Most days it's the latter but every-once-in-a-while chocolate cake sounds really good! I'm proud of myself for the 17 lbs. Still have a long way to go!

Sleep!
By the way...Eli slept through the night last night. I woke up at 5 with the alarm clock and realized that I never got up with him. I jumped up and went into his room to check on him and he was sound asleep. Didn't wake up until 6. I told him it was ok if he just did that every other night. Tonight is Chris' night! :)

About me...

2008-08-24T22:37:00.003-05:00

OK, I was having one of those days yesterday where I was a little down...thinking that there was nothing really "special" about me...(I think maybe b/c I turned 33 last week and feel OLD!) So, I made myself think of the things that make me...well...me. Here they are:

1. I am a rule follower - you will never see me going out the in door.
2. I'm too embarrassed about my ugly toes to get a pedicure. I lost my big toenail on a Young Life backpacking trip and it hasn't ever been the same...gross.
3. I watch "The Hills". And, I like it.
4. I have a knack for picking great friends. There are people out there who are better at pulling you down than lifting you up - I'm not friends with anyone like that.
5. Sheets are very important to me. The higher the thread count the better.
6. I love watching high school football.
7. I love boxed chocolate cake with chocolate icing...way too much.
8. I have an extremely unhealthy fear of someone else that I love dying in an accident.
9. I'm better at writing that I am at talking. Small talk makes me nervous.
10. I'm terrible at math. Had my sister not "helped" me in college, I would probably still be taking Algebra.
11. I am an instruction giver. I get it from my mom. My husband doesn't like it!

Now...tonight is my night to get up with Eli, so I think I'll be smart and get in bed. If anyone has any great ideas about how to get an almost 4 month old to quit waking up at 4 a.m. to eat, that would be great. :)

This week at daycare

2008-08-15T12:14:00.003-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I got a call from the daycare...nervous at first, because that usually means someone is sick and needs to go home. Which also means that they can't go back the next day. Not only do I not want sick kiddos, I also have no vacation left until February.

Anyways...no one was sick or hurt. They had a question. You see, apparently Eli had been sleeping for 4 hours and they wondered if they should wake him up. Um...yes.

He's doing great in daycare. Obviously he takes great naps (which was not the case with Carlee). They say he's just a happy baby. That makes me happy.

Carlee is doing great in "pre-pre-school" too. But...since we've been in the new house, she's been getting out of her bed and into ours EVERY night. We tried a "big girl" chart, promising a new movie if she got 5 stars for staying in her bed every night. That worked one night...in desperation, and really not expecting an answer, with my head in my hands I said "Carlee, what is mommy going to have to do to get you to stay in your bed?" To which she replied "hummmm, I don't know." I laughed out loud. And she's stayed in her bed every night since.

A new season...

2008-08-06T12:41:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was my first day back at work. Bittersweet. I love my job and was ready to get back to it again, but missed by kiddos like crazy. I took a picture of Eli on my phone Monday...and I looked at it about 50 times yesterday. I couldn't wait to get home and squeeze him and Carlee last night. They both seemed bigger when I got home - like they grew while I was gone.

It's a bit of a challenge, because Eli is getting up at 4:15, and I have to get up at 5...so really, I'm getting up at 4:15. I do ok until after lunch, then it's time to crash. Hopefully he'll start stretching that out a little. But, when he's hungry, he's hungry.

I'm going to enjoy this season.

Carlee's new "do"

2008-07-22T19:21:00.003-05:00

We're in our house! I don't have a computer (or TV) yet, so posts will be few and far between for awhile. Thankfully my sister's house is a short walk so I can check my email when I get desperate!

Today I dropped Carlee off with at Kerry's house so that Jenna's baby sitter could watch both of them while I went to my Weight Watchers meeting (I was the biggest looser today - 7.5 lbs in one week!) When I walked in the door to pick her up, I asked Kayla how they were...I noticed a little fear in her eyes..."They were good...but.....Jenna cut Carlee's hair", were her words. And Carlee came bee bopping around the corner with her new hair cut. A little spiky on top and layers in the back. Great. It's not a cut that can be fixed, so we're just going to get to live with it.

Kerry asked Jenna why she cut Carlee's hair, and she said "Memaw said she needed a hair cut. So, I cut it." Seems logical.

Oh my...I have a feeling this is the first of many.

2 months

2008-07-17T09:31:00.004-05:00

Eli's 2 month appointment went well. His pediatrician was still concerned about the hydrocele and the possibility of it turning into a hernia. We're just going to keep watching it and hoping that it goes away. If it turns into a hernia or if it's still an issue when he turns 1, she'll want him to have surgery. Other than that, he had a great check-up. He had to have his 2 month immunizations and was asleep when the nurse stuck him...but the sleeping didn't last long. Since he was asleep, I didn't ask for another nurse. He never opened his eyes, just screamed with them closed! He didn't get a temp and hasn't been too terribly fussy. In fact, this morning he played on his blanket for about 30 minutes cooing and smiling.

He's getting on a good eating/playing/sleeping schedule. I'm figuring out his "sleep cues" and know now when it's time to put him down for his nap before he gets fussy. That makes a huge difference in how long he sleeps.

My niece Jenna's prayer...

"Hey Jesus. Thanks for dying on the cross and for water. Hope you spend the night with me tonight. Oh, and thanks for the sun."

Love that! :)

2008-07-15T22:16:00.002-05:00

House update
We're moving in this weekend!! I think our builder saw the desperation in my face today. The plan is to move everything into the garage on Friday then get it in the house Saturday...although I may just do it all Friday night. YAY!!

I would post pictures of the finished product, but my wonderful new camera got stolen while we were at the zoo...it had pictures of Eli, Carlee's birthday party, Carlee and Jenna in their bikini's playing in the sprinkler and the zoo trip - and I didn't have any of them printed. I cried the first two days, but now have just resigned to the fact that it's gone and I have to move on. It really stinks though. So, hopefully will get a new (much cheaper) one soon.

The kidos
Tomorrow is Eli's 2 month checkup...which means shots. Yuck! My mom went with me when Carlee had her first shots. I was a nervous wreck. I made mom hold her and I comforted her after it was over. I'm on my own this time. My friend recommended that I ask for another nurse to hold him...I'm doing that. Tonight I asked Carlee if she had ever gotten a shot - she said no. Guess they really don't remember!

I love how much Carlee loves Eli. She's really great with him. Yesterday she said, "mommy, I love my brother". Does it get any better than that?

Random thoughts...

I guess since gas prices are so high, there are lots more motorcycles on the road. Have you ever noticed the "motorcycle wave". Apparently, if you ride a motorcycle, you're in a special club and you have to wave at all the other motorcycle drivers...It's not a normal beauty pageant wave - instead you drop your arm to knee level and open and close your hand quickly. I noticed it a lot today and thought about waving to everyone driving a Nissan Altima - not the same effect.

Charlie Brown?

2008-07-11T08:13:00.003-05:00

My sweet boy smiled at me for the first time today. Nothing like it in the world!

His dr. said he looks like Charlie Brown. He is kind of round and bald. We may have a halloween costume! :)

2008-07-09T21:34:00.002-05:00

The house
We're almost in our house! We may be able to start moving stuff in this weekend...even though it it will be next week before we'll close and "officially" be able to move the majority of the stuff in. YAY!! (Becca, I'll call you when I know for sure!!)

The little screamer
Eli has been sick a little this week - he made it 7 weeks without getting a bug, but just couldn't hold off. Carlee had it first, waking up with a 103 temp one day last week. She fought it off though and didn't have the usual asthma attack. Poor little guy - since he's so little there's really nothing we can do for him but put saline drops in his nose and suck it out with that blue bulb syringe...he hates to see that thing coming! He seems to be doing better today though, so maybe we're at the tail end of it.

The attack
Yesterday as I was walking through my moms house I stepped down about 2 inches from a frog...IN THE HOUSE! At first I thought it was a toy so I flicked it with a piece of paper and it jumped at me - I'm pretty sure it was attacking - and I screamed! Carlee jumped up on the couch, looked at me wide eyed and said "what are we going to do mom". I thought I would try to sweep it onto the dust pan and throw it outside...but that thing had a crazy jump. So, I corralled it with the broom and after about 5 minutes got it to jump out the door. Whew...where is daddy when you REALLY need him?

2008-07-05T10:28:00.003-05:00

Happy 4th...a day late.

Thanks in part to a book that a friend at church told me about (her friend told her about it), I think we may have had a breakthrough with the little screamer. It's not that he doesn't scream any more, it's that I think we've figured out some tactics so that it doesn't last as long.

I was a Babywise mom with Carlee...not everything babywise, but I did let her "cry it out", was on a strict "parent directed" feeding schedule. Since I was going back to work and needed the same thing to happen every day, I felt like it was necessary. And we didn't have to cry it out for long. She pretty much figured it out within a couple of days. Don't get me wrong, there were nights even after she figured it out that she would have cried all night had I let her. All I had to do was pat her and she'd go back to sleep normally.

Not the case with Eli. Crying it out isn't an option for him right now. His own cries get him more overstimulated and he just doesn't have the ability to calm himself down. With the help of this book (The Happiest Baby on the Block), I've learned to swaddle him REALLY tight with his arms to his side (this keeps him from flailing his arms and waking himself up) and rock him really quick with shhshhshhshh sounds in his ear and he usually relaxes within a minute or two. Once I lay him down swaddled tightly, he usually doesn't wake up until time for his next bottle. In fact, last night he went from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m. without waking!!

He still has fussy time from 7 -11 every night, but we can usually get him calmed down temporarily. Right now we have to hold him, but I figure that if holding him keeps him from going into hysterics, it's good for all of us! I know that once he gets things figured out and is more alert, he won't require us to hold him so much, so we're just going to go with it and do what works. I still keep him on a eating schedule. I'm a firm believer in schedules and knowing what to expect. So, we try to do the same thing every day.

As I write, he has been in his swing for a LONG time. Yay! I was feeling a bit like a failure, so it feels good to get it figured out just a little bit.

Now...for the house update...

The floors are completely done, the granite counter tops are in. All that's left is some trim stuff and the kitchen/master bath back splash. The back splash is my fault - when I saw the one I picked out with the counter top and floor I hated it. So, I sent it back and picked another...of course it isn't in stock, and with the holiday it's going to take a little time to get it. But, I figured I might as well make sure I like it.

It's hard to go down there now, because it's to the point that it looks like I could live there and I get anxious. Maybe by the end of next week!

The Zoo

2008-06-28T21:04:00.003-05:00

We decided last minute to take Carlee (and Eli) to Tulsa to the zoo and aquarium Thursday and Friday...and it was quite a trip.

In case you're wondering, the sleeping 5 consecutive hours and the non-screaming night did not last more than that one joyous night. Eli is back to his old self...in fact, he's crying right now. But my WONDERFUL mom is rocking him.

So, back to the zoo and aquarium...We packed up and left early Thursday morning and headed to the aquarium first - Carlee was super excited. I'm not sure it was worth the $$ for Chris and I, but she thought it was great. We planned on taking her to Incredible Pizza that night - but Eli did not agree, so he and his daddy stayed home and Carlee and I ventured to Chuck E. Cheese to play games. I kind of feel like I need to disinfect when I get back from that place...too many germs! But, she had a great time.

On the way home we stopped at Chili's to pick up dinner. When we walked in the door the guy at the cash register greeted us...to which Carlee replied (with a giggle) "hey mommy, that boy has a pony tail...boy's don't have pony tails". I covered her mouth and the guy acted like he didn't hear her. I tried to stifle my giggles while I was waiting for my receipt, but it sure was hard. Living with a 3 year old brings funny times!

We stayed at my sister's house while we were in Tulsa - and all slept in the same room. I do not recommend. Carlee yelled in her sleep all night, which woke Eli. Chris snored and I was awake...all night. Friday we attempted the zoo. (I'm not recommending the zoo right now...most of the exhibits were closed for remodeling.) Eli was not going for the stroller so Chris and I took turns carrying him through the park. It was about 90 degrees and he was a sweaty little boy by the end (actually, by the first 10 minutes). We brought a stroller for each of them, so one of us was pushing two strollers and trying to keep up with Carlee. I'm going to recommend not taking a 6 week old to the zoo...

Even though it was a crazy trip, it was priceless. As we were driving I looked in the back seat and it hit me that I really have two kids. I spent a lot of time thinking about the future and what trips like this are going to be like when they are a little bit older. Carlee spilled over with excitement with everything that we did...I love that!

Now, if I can find my camera, I'll post some pictures.

My world

2008-06-23T22:10:00.002-05:00

Today Eli and I were sitting out on the back porch feviershly rocking and I had to laugh at myself. I was thinking about all of the people I have talked to in the past few days and remembering the conversations - they all revolved around me and they all were a detailed rendition of Eli's sleeping schedule the prior day. I went step by step through every hour of eating, waking and sleeping. I talk about it as if people really care to have all of that detail. It's funny to look back at all of my posts only to see that most are the same. It's what I live right now. Hour by hour, watching the clock to see when it's time to eat, sleep and wake. Now that I'm in the middle of it again, I remember a little of what this was like with Carlee. But, now I just put her to bed - we read a book and sang Jesus Loves Me and a couple of other songs, I kissed her good night and told her I would come back in and check on her...that was it. No screams, no rocking, no troubles...and just 3 short years ago I was watching the clock for eating, waking and sleeping with her.

By-the-way...Saturday night Eli slept from 11:30 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. Of course it was a night that mom was getting up with him, so I didn't get to experience the joy until the next morning. Last night he went until 4 a.m., which was still pretty good. We'll see how he does tonight. Tomorrow he'll be 6 weeks old.

Heaven?

2008-06-21T07:56:00.006-05:00

I started reading a book last night but I'm not sure why. First, I'm going to end up staying up later since the only time I have to read is after the kids go to bed. Second, and probably the biggest reason is because of what the book is about. It's called 90 Minutes in Heaven.

I went to WalMart last night to get formula (we're going to try Lacto-free and see if that helps), while I was there I thought I'd run over to the books to see if I could find a magazine with window treatments...since all I think about these days is formula and decorating. I didn't find a magazine, but my eye immediately went to this book. I am drawn to anything about Heaven. Right after the reality of my dad's death hit me I began searching through the Bible to find descriptions of Heaven. For some reason I needed a description of what it was like. I wanted to know that he was being taken care of and that he wasn't scared. I've been taught all of my life that Heaven is a wonderful place. But, it never really mattered what it was actually like until then.

So, I picked up this book and read the back. It told of a man whose car had been hit head on by a semi. Paramedics said he died instantly. The man experienced heaven. 90 minutes after the wreck, while a minister prayed for him, the man came back to life. This book was his story.

So, I'm reading it with a tad of unbelief. I want to believe that all things are possible with God. I'm just a little leery about whether God would bring someone back to life...I know he did in biblical times, but now? Is this real? I'm reading his description of Heaven and I want to believe it, but I'm not sure. I prayed when I knew my mom and dad had been in the wreck but he didn't come back to life. I'm certain other people have prayed for the people they love when death has arrived, but you just don't hear of people coming back to life after 90 minutes of being dead...and being OK enough to write a book and tell about what Heaven was like.

Reading the acknowledgements I see that he was and is a member of a Baptist Church. The preacher who crawled into the car to pray for the dead man was also a Baptist minister. So, they're not some kind of crazy religious faction...they're people just like me (well, kind of). Several paramedics announced him dead. They covered him with a tarp...It seems like I should believe it.

So, I'm praying that God will give me discernment, and I'm going to finish reading the book. The description of Heaven sounds wonderful!

Relief

2008-06-19T06:15:00.005-05:00

I felt like angles were singing when I woke up at 3 this morning to Eli's grunts...why so happy? Because his last bottle was at 9:30! He went for 5 1/2 hours between bottles!! Granted, it was 10:45 before he went to sleep, but still - that was approximately 4 hours of uninturrupted sleep! We were back in bed by 3:45 and at 6:18 a.m. he's still asleep...grunting a lot, but asleep. After switching him back to Gentlease with the drops, it seems like his belly feels a lot better. No more projectile poops in the middle of the night (or any time for that matter). Yesterday I layed him on the couch and talked to him for about 10 minutes...he was bright-eyed, just studying my face and moving his hands around to try to touch me. It was wonderful! We haven't gotten to have that kind of interaction yet becuase he's been so fussy. Normally, if he's not sleeping, he's screaming. So, I spend all of my time trying to rock him back to sleep - since that's when he seems most at peace (and I get a break from the crying).

So, here's hoping that this is coming to an end. If it ends at 6 weeks, I'll count myself extremely blessed. Most people have to endure it for 3 months!

Here are pictures of Carlee at the Old Fort Days parade. She LOVES horses and princesses right now, so this was amazing to her...cowgirl's with fancy clothes and crowns and LOTS of horses. She just sat on her daddy's shoulders and waved in a daze for about an hour.

And, the house. We're getting close to finished. This is before they cleared the land...now it actually looks like a yard - but without grass. They should be getting a lot done this week. Hardwoods go in next week and that's the last inside thing. They'll still put cedar posts on the front porch, add shutters and stain the door, shutters and posts...that will be the last outside thing and should happen next week too!

The colic saga continues...

2008-06-16T18:17:00.004-05:00

Um...remember how I forcasted that Eli would sleep all day since he was up all night? Was I ever wrong. Instead he has screamed all day. For the last couple of days his poops have been a bright blue-green color (I know, too much information). He's fine while he's eating - eats about 3 oz. and quits (I put 4 in the bottle, but he rarely finishes) about an hour after he eats he starts screaming and putting his fists in his mouth like he's starving. So, I called his pediatrician again today. They probably think I'm crazy! Now, she wants me to keep using the drops and put him back on Gentlease. She thinks the other is (in the nurses words) "tearing up" his stomach...hence the blue-green poop.

So, I'm going to watch the re-run of Army Wives and my husband is graciously going to give me a break for a while.

Only a season...

Yay for naps!

2008-06-16T08:49:00.002-05:00

I'm just writing so that months from now I can look back and remember how tired I am today...and I'll be thankful that we conquered sleep deprivation.

Eli had a bad night last night. I'm sure he'll sleep most of the day today - that's kind of his pattern when he has a bad night. My plan was to send Carlee to school to play with her friends today and "nap when he naps" like all of the books tell you to do. Chris was about 2 minutes away from the daycare when they called to tell me they have to close because of a power outage and leaks...bad storm last night. So, she's back home with me and we're eating a banana and watching Clifford. I have a feeling she's going to watch too many cartoons today.

And...he's crying again, so off to rock.

Dad's day!

2008-06-15T03:08:00.004-05:00

Happy Father's Day!

It's 3 a.m. and I'm feeding my precious baby boy. Thankful today for a wonderful husband who is committed to raising him to be a respectful, loving, kind man. Chris is the type of father that I prayed about for my children. Thank you Chris for being such an amazing dad! You are helping to mold both of them into wonderful people.

Ever since my dad died, father's day has been such a sad day for me. My dad wasn't always a super dad (I'm certain he would agree). It's not that he didn't love us, he was just never taught to show us that he loved us. It wasn't until my nephews were born that love began pouring out of him. They helped him figure it out! My grandpa though...he knew how to show love (my mom's dad). He was my picutre of what a daddy should be to their little girl early on. He was very kind, loving, gentle. I loved sitting on my papaw's lap and rubbing his head...he had a flat-top that felt really cool! He died 7 years ago last week. A year before my dad. I remember sitting at his funeral and my dad being really sad for us. He hugged me a lot that day.

The father's day after my dad died, I felt a signifigant sense of loss. It felt like everyone else had a dad, a grandpa, a father to their children. I had no reason to celebrate. It was just another day to me. The fact that it even existed made me a little mad. It makes my heart hurt for my mom because I know that she's still in those shoes...no dad, grandpa or even husband to her children to celebrate with today. She has no need to buy a father's day card. But, she celebrates with us and our husbands...loving that we chose wonderful dads for our kids. I'm also sad for my nephews today. Their mom and dad are divorced and their dad has chosen not to be part of their lives to avoid paying child support. I don't know which would be worse, a daddy who dies or a daddy who chooses not to be a part of your life. My dad was an amazing grandad to them. I'm sad that they don't have a dad or a grandad to celebrate with today. They should.

Please pray for those who don't have a reason to celebrate today. Their hearts will certainly hurt when they see people loving on their dads and grandads. The loss they feel the rest of the year is magnified today.

Chris, I'm so thankful that God put you in my life and made you the father of our children! You give me a reason to celebrate today!

Marquees

2008-06-14T10:51:00.002-05:00

I normally don't like those little signs on Church marquees...We pass lots of them on our way to work every morning. I think they tend to make Christians sound a little hokey - "This church is prayer conditioned", "Tithe if you love Jesus, anyone can honk". If I wasn't already a church-goer, some of them would probably make me think twice about trying it out.

But, when I was driving to Charleston last week I saw one in front of a little tiny church that stuck with me...it said "Bloom where you're planted". I love that. I often find myself waiting for the next big thing. I don't always enjoy and make the most of where I am because I'm anticipating when things are going to be different and get "better". Oh, if I could bloom where I'm planted. If I could be my best where ever God decides to plant me at the moment. That's my desire and my prayer.

Sniper

2008-06-10T11:13:00.003-05:00

I am a spider sniper...not with hair products and air freshener like my friend Becca. I prefer Fantastic (with anti-bacterial agents). If I'm gonna be a killer, I might as well do a little cleaning in the process. So, the carcus of a big black spider is in the window sill and another in the bathroom by the toilet. Carlee knows that it's daddy's job to dispose of them. She watched the killings take place and has asked several times today "mommy, what did you did?" (which I love). She's referring the stern look on my face as I drowned these two poor spiders with Fantastic. You do what you've got to do.

I just got a phone call that had the potential of waking up Eli...which these days is not good. In my exhausted state (Eli didn't have a good night last night) I answered and heard a telemarketer ask for Mr. Moore. Someone needs to update their records because Mr. Moore has been deceased for 6 years...which is what I advised this poor girl who was just trying to do her job. I know she felt bad. I shouldn't have said it. But, I need sleep and I can't seem to control what comes out of my mouth these days (Chris is feeling my craziness too!) I need a nap.

Only a season

2008-06-09T07:40:00.004-05:00

I write this not so that I can remember for the next time (because as far as I'm concerned there won't be a next time) but so that some day I can help some other disheveled mommy like my friends helped me yesterday...Thank you friends for reminding me that this is temporary (and for your tips)!

Dealing with Eli's colic has been tough. Just like every other mom and dad who've had a baby with colic, I've tried everything I can think of. It starts precisely at 7 p.m. and lasts anywhere from 11 p.m. to all night...I prefer 11 p.m.!

Last night he got temporary relief from laying on a pillow on Chris lap - that lasted about 5 min. but when you've got a screaming kid, 5 minutes of silence feels like an eternity. Standing in front of the dryer and bouncing worked temporarily too - whatever works!

Last night I just wanted to watch Army Wives...my guilty pleasure for the summer. I always like to pick one "can't miss" show each season - and this is it for me. Sunday night 9:00 - shouldn't be too hard to work that into my schedule. Except for Chris was trying to get Carlee in bed and I was holding a screaming baby. I found myself telling him "Eli, mommy just wants to watch this show, then you can cry". Ridiculous, I know. And he didn't care. We're getting a DVR when we move.

Anyways, since his next bottle was at 11, I put him in a warm bath at about 10:45 - which totally relaxes him - put him in his pj's, swaddled him (while he was screaming) and gave him a warm bottle with a little shot of Milacon in it. He tooted like crazy then finally relaxed and fell asleep right after his bottle. I put him in his bassinet, expecting that he would start screaming within minutes, like usual...but he didn't. I stayed awake for a while - not wanting to go to sleep just to be awakened with screams...but nothing. I checked his breathing...yep, still breathing. The next thing I knew I woke up to his grunts and it was 3:15!! He slept from 11:30 to 3:15! So, up for a warm bottle with another shot of Milacon and we were both back asleep by 4:00. Then, didn't hear a peep until 6:30. I feel like a new woman. Now...if we could just get rid of the screaming at 7.

I have to say that Saturday night was a terrible night. I was so exhausted and just spent. But, when I was bouncing Eli up and down sometime around 4a.m., I couldn't get out of my mind all of my friends who have lost babies - either before they got to meet them or after, and I just kept thinking that they would give anything to be up at 4a.m. rocking their screaming baby. This is a season. I will praise my God for the wonderful blessing he has given me in Eli and Carlee.

2008-06-04T21:16:00.002-05:00

The diagnosis
Yep, it's colic. His dr. changed our formula to Nutramigen...cha-ching. We may have to move to eating ramen noodles! We'll try it over the weekend, and if it doesn't get better, she's going to prescribe a medication. Because of the hydrocele issue, she doesn't want him crying so much - apparently when he cries, the straining pushes more fluid down there which could result in a hernia. Regardless of the hydrocele issue, I just don't want him to cry like that.

Tonight has been much better. He's still fussy, but better.

So, my wonderful mom is taking the night shift tonight so that Chris and I can sleep. Did I mention that she's wonderful?

The house
Our builder said today that we should be able to move in the first week in July. The tile looks super. Tomorrow they're doing the driveway/sidewalk and finishing up the tile. The more stuff they finish, the more anxious I get to move in. I just can't wait!!

The birthday party
I'm on the lookout for someone who can make a My Little Pony birthday cake. Carlee is convinced that she HAS to have a My Little Pony party. So, if anyone knows someone who can make that happen, I'm taking suggestions! I found a cute cake online that I'm sure someone will be able to do for us.

I'm off to get some shut eye. Love it!

Colic?

2008-06-04T09:26:00.002-05:00

Oh, I was hoping that I would never have to look this word up...but last night, I found myself online trying to figure out what might possibly be wrong with my sweet little boy. From 7:30 to just after midnight he screamed. Not a "pick me up, I want to be cuddled" scream...a "something is hurting me" piercing scream. Nothing I tried comforted him. We sat down and rocked, stood up and bounced, faced him forward, put him on my shoulder, cradled him, tried the bouncy seat, the swing, the boppy...still screams. So, I read online about gripe water - drove to WalMart at 9:30 to see if they had any - none. When I got back he was still screaming and Chris was on the verge of tears. We wanted to be able to help him, but didn't know what to do. I put him in a warm bath and he relaxed enough to stop crying for a couple of minutes...relief. But, as soon as it stopped, it started back up. Was it colic? Has the fluid issue escalated into a hernia (which I read causes abdominal pain).

Chris drove to Fort Smith at 11:00 to see if he could find an open pharmacy. After two closed Walgreen's stores, he finally found one that was open and bought the gripe water. In the meantime, I was researching to make sure it was safe to give this to him. It was all natural and did not contain alcohol, so everything said it was OK. While Chris was gone, he was at his worst, so I found myself in tears calling my mom to get an opinion on whether I should take him to the hospital (she spent the night with my sister last night). We both decided it was probably colic and sitting in the emergency room would just make things worse. Finally, at about 1 a.m. he calmed down and fell asleep - but woke up about every 30 minutes. I finally put him in the bed next to me and we both fell asleep at about 3 a.m.

He seems to be doing better this morning. He's laying in my bed sleeping as we speak. I called his Dr. this morning and because of his "fluid" issue, they want to see him today.

Oh my...what a night. Now, I'm going to try to get a shower while he's sleeping. Wish me luck...

Pediatrician Visit

2008-05-28T22:11:00.003-05:00

Last night was a much better night - Eli made it 4 hours between bottles - and after his 6:00 bottle he went right back to sleep...and I joined him! We both slept another 2 hours and it felt great!

His dr. appt. went well. He gained 1 oz. so he's 8lbs. 1 oz. now. His umbilical cord hasn't fallen off yet and they were a little concerned about infection, so if it doesn't fall off and starts to "smell" by Friday, we've got to bring him back and they'll put some type of drying agent on it to get it to fall off...kind of yuck. He's also having problems with excess fluid in his left testicle - probably more info than I need to share...His dr. said it could turn into a hernia, so we're watching to make sure it gets better within the next couple of days. We definitely want to avoid hernia surgery.

Our pediatrician is wonderful. She was very affirming when it came to nursing vs. formula. Every time I talk about not being able to nurse, I get teary...and today was no exception. I didn't want to look like an emotional wreck, but it was a little hard to hold back. She assured me that with the advances in formula it is extremely close to breast milk and Eli is not "missing out" by not nursing. She said that she sees many children who were breast fed who still have allergies and asthma. In a perfect world, we would all be able to do it. But, it's not a perfect world.

Carlee is still doing great with Eli. She is very protective of him and loves to kiss him on the head. I just love watching her interact with him. It makes my heart feel happy. I try to paint a picture of it in my mind, because I have a feeling that in a year or so things might be a little different - when he starts getting into her stuff!

I love my babies...I am blessed.

Loud little dude...

2008-05-27T14:44:00.004-05:00

We haven't seen Eli's eyes much since he was born. He's been a terrific sleeper during the day - and most nights. Waking up every 3 hours to eat and going back to sleep. We've had 3 nights of sleeplessness since we've been home...not too bad - especially since we've got memaw to bail us out after 2 in a row!

Today has been different. He woke up about every 2 hours last night - I tried to stretch out his feedings to as close to 3 hours as I could. After his 5:30 bottle, he slept for about an hour - and that's it for the day. Eyes wide open and screaming has been a way of life today...Carlee and I were hoping for a pretty day where we could play outside a little while he was napping - but instead we got rain, muddy ground and a little brother who can scream really, really loud! Finally, at 2:15 I got him to sleep in his swing. I know I'm not supposed to do that - creating "sleep props" isn't good. But, neither is walking around like a crazy woman from lack of sleep and screaming baby...so for now, the swing will have to do. Carlee has handled it like a champ. She's had a pretty boring day - and has gotten to watch more Cowgirl Dora than normal.

Tomorrow is his 2 week dr. appt. So, we'll get out of the house a little bit. Maybe a change of scenery will do us all some good.

Whew...this newborn stage is rough. But, I'm glad I get to do it!

No more excuses

2008-05-21T07:24:00.004-05:00

So, now that I don't have the "I can eat whatever I want becuase I'm pregnant" excuse...I'm on the journey to loose weight and get in shape. It's a tough journey for me, because I've struggled with it my entire life.

I can remember the first time I actually worried about my weight - I was in 3rd grade. The school nurse came around to our classrooms and took each one of us outside to weigh and measure us - I remember being so worried and being very aware that I was larger than other kids in my class. Now, as an adult, it makes me very sad for that little girl. That was just the beginning of a lifetime of worry. When I was in 9th grade, my oldest sister told Kerry and I that if we lost weight (I think 30 lbs. was the amount she wanted) that she would take us to Disney World. That was my first diet. And it was a crazy, unhealthy one. We both did loose the weight - and she did take us to Disney World. But, a year or so later, once we quit starving ourselves, it came back. Then, my sophomore year of college I started exercising like a maniac. I would work out 2 times a day at the least - ate nothing but baked potatoes and grilled chicken and I was the smallest I've been in my life. This lasted for a year or so, then I quit working out and started eating again - and guess what? It all came back. After graduation, I moved to Tulsa and started the "grapefruit" diet. I would eat eggs and bacon in the a.m., then salad at lunch and dinner, and have either grapefruit juice or a grapefruit with every meal. I also started running with my oldest sister. I lost a lot of weight - and ran in a 5K and even did a backpacking trip in British Columbia, Canada. I was in the best shape I had ever been in. This stayed off for a long time. I didn't stay on the "grapefruit" diet long, but kept exercising. Even when I went back to Tech to work, I kept up the exercise routine and started eating healthy meals. Then, Chris and I got married - and I stopped exercising and eating healthy...back I went. In the 5 years that we've been married, I've yo-yo'd back and forth, loosing 20 lbs here and there, and gaining 20 here and there.

Oh goodness, I'm so tired of this being on my mind so much. About 4 weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with a question on my mind. It was as if someone was asking me what the one thing in my life that causes me the most pain and worry is - and my immediate thought was, my weight. That's the one thing that I obsess over and never seem to be able to get control of. It's what makes me self-conscious. It's what makes me sad. It holds me back. It keeps me from being the person that God created me to be.

It's kind of embarassing to talk about this in this forum...I'm usually very private about it. But, it's had control of me way too long and I know that I owe it to myself and to my children and husband to quit letting it make me sad, and just do something about it. I try to be so smart and sensible about how I handle everything in my life - this is one area where I make crazy decisions and try crazy things.

It's going to be a journey - but it'll be good for me - in lots of ways.

Eli Christopher

2008-05-19T17:10:00.004-05:00

He's amazing...absolutley amazing. Eli was born at 5:04 p.m. May 13th. He weighed 8 lbs. and was 20" long. He's perfect.

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T19:29:00.003-05:00

I love being a mom....

Carlee is running through the house naked, trying to hide from her daddy so she doesn't have to get in the bathtub...she plays that game every night. Only two more nights of it just being mommy, daddy and Carlee. I'm a little worried about her - I hope she gets through this transition ok. Kids do it every day, so I'm certain she'll be fine. I just don't want her to feel like we love her any less once her little brother gets here. I have no doubt that I can love them both with the same kind of love, but since she's a "big girl" and can take care of her self, I don't want to expect too much out of her, or ignore her needs because Eli is so little - but then, I want to give Eli all of the love and attention he needs. Wow...this is going to be interesting. I know it will work itself out. Just the unknown is a little crazy!

Our princesses
We've had Brett and Jenna here since Thursday and Carlee has had a GREAT time playing with Jenna. They wore their princess dresses today to see my grandma in Waldron. Carlee was Cinderella and Jenna Snow White. My grandma loved it - had to have her picture taken with them - I'll post them later (um...may be way later).

Thursday night, Jenna was having a breakdown - screaming and laying on the ground throwing a fit. My mom attempted to calm her, to no avail...so she picked her up to carry her into the bedroom - I guess Carlee thought Jenna was getting a spanking, so she was following behind mom crying "don't do it memaw, don't do it!" :) Carlee hasn't ever had a spanking (not that I wouldn't do it if it was necessary - it just hasn't been necessary yet) but she knows that it's part of Jenna's every-day life...so I guess she was trying to save her!

Tuesday...
Chris' supervisor will only let him have one day off work - then he has one personal day he can take - so we're hoping that if I go in Tuesday, we'll get to go home Wednesday. Otherwise, I'm not sure what we're going to do. My mom said she would drive me home from the hospital, if I don't get to go home until Thursday, but I really want Chris to be able to do that - and Chris isn't going to want to leave us at the hospital while he goes to work. It really stinks! Not much I can do about it though...

This is probably the last time I'll post for a little while. My friend Christina is e-mailing everyone the details! Can't wait to introduce Eli to you!

2008-05-10T11:31:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting at Kerry and Jarrad's house, watching the workers work on my house! YAY! It's completely bricked and all of the trim is done. They're going to paint and install bathroom/kitchen cabinets next week AND deliver the tile and hardwoods on Thursday. I love it!

More importantly, if I don't have Eli by Tuesday, I'll go in at 7:00 Tuesday a.m. to be induced. I was at a "good three" on Wednesday and suspect that after all the contractions I've had between then and now, that I'm further along. I thought for sure it was going to be yesterday, but no deal...The guy I sit by at work said I was giving him anxiety. I haven't had any contractions so far today, so maybe he's going to hold out. Really, I'd love for it to happen tonight. We'll see. Carlee went with my mom to Branson yesterday, so Chris and I had a quiet night. We rented a movie and got in bed before 8:00...it was wonderful!

I think it hit both of us this morning that this is the last weekend that we're going to be a family of 3. And, now we're going to get to figure out how to raise a little boy. My prayer is that we can help to mold this little guy into a kind, loving, gentle, respectful man. How amazing that God is allowing us to be his parents. What a huge responsibility. I can't wait to see this precious boy. My heart is just overwhelmed with love for him and I haven't even met him yet. A perfect mother's day present.

False Alarm

2008-05-04T13:29:00.003-05:00

I thought last night was going to be the night. I started having contractions early afternoon - they lasted about a minute each and were about 15 min apart at first, then went to 10...so I made sure my bags were ready and sitting by the door, took a shower and dried my hair. After I laid down on my side for a while, they started to come less frequently - and during the night I only had a couple. False alarm. darn it...

I spent most of the morning in bed. Sleeping between HGTV shows, while the rest of the fam was at church. I feel so lazy - but I also can't make myself do anything. I'm just exhausted. But, only 8 more days of work at the most. I can do that. It makes my back hurt just thinking about sitting behind my computer every day for 8 hours - but I can do it...lot's of people do.

Yesterday we picked out/ordered our dining table. We're not doing a formal dining room - just a huge eat-in kitchen. So, this table is a 60" x 60" square w/8 chairs. We're having it built at Woodco. The finish is Expresso - a really, really dark brown. Chris doesn't get a sparkle in his eye about much - he's a little difficult to impress - but he got a sparkle in his eye when he saw it. I can't wait to see it!

I think I'll go finish up the laundry - just in case tonight is the night...wishful thinking. Kerry wants me to wait until they get back from their cruise - but I'm certain that great photos will do if he does decide to make his appearance early!

2008-05-02T20:10:00.002-05:00

My Day
I took my very last vacation day today. I needed to take them all before I go on maternity leave, or I have to use them for my maternity leave...who wants that?? I started the day at a funeral. My aunt's mother-in-law passed away. She was 89 and had been suffering from Althemiers for several years. Her body was very healthy, but her mind wasn't. Although I felt sad for my cousin and aunt, it was the first funeral I've ever been to where I didn't cry. I think knowing that her life ended like I feel like lives should end - live a long, full life and go on to be with Jesus. It's when people don't get to live their "full" life (or my view of a full life) that I feel like it's a tragedy. God's ways are higher than mine.

Me and Eli
Yesterday I felt absolutley terrible. I had some contractions - but nothing regular. I still thought that I might not make it through the night...in fact, I've got my bags by the door. But, I feel better today and I think he's going to hang on a little longer. I took about an hour nap today and it felt GREAT! I think if I could do that every day, things would feel a little better. But, that just doesn't fit into the schedule these days.

At my appt. Wed. I was at a 1 and my cervix was thin. He said nothing to call the family in about. He didn't think I would make it more than 2 weeks. And said that he wouldn't make me go more than 2 weeks. Eli is getting BIG we think. He was head down and ready to go...so we'll see. So, if I don't have him before, it looks like we'll probably induce on the 15th. It's not been scheduled or anything, so that might change. I'm so ready to meet this little guy.

2008-04-29T19:50:00.002-05:00

I'm a junkie
OK, so I'm an American Idol junkie. There aren't many shows that I like to watch every week, but I like me some American Idol. Tonight I'm watched it and Carlee was standing in front of my chair. At one point, she turned around to face me and in her very serious, grown-up voice she said "do you like her mom?" I said "yes, do you?" and she said "yeah, I do." and turned back around...something tells me she's been listening to me and my mom a little.

The Dr.
Tomorrow is my dr. appt...I'm excited about it! Funny that today was Kerry's yearly appt. and when she went in, the girl at the front said "now you're not the pregnant one are you"....hahahaha....does she not remember what I looked like the 900 times I've been in there! :) I really needed that - since Kerry looks SUPER!

The House
We've picked almost everything out for the house. I met with the interior decorator at Kolor Key the other day and picked out all the paint colors - I love them! Carlee and Eli's bathroom is called "dill pickle" sounds not that great, but it's a GREAT color. And, I love our bedroom color. Hard to describe, but it's going to be beautiful. Can't wait to see it. Carlee, of course, wanted a pink bedroom - so we picked a really great pink. Not too bright, not to light - it's perfect! She's going to love it. Tomorrow they're going to do the trim so paint will come soon. We've got hardwoods and tile picked out - the cabinet guy is working on cabinets and I've got all the tubs/toilets/plumbing fixtures picked out and ordered. Now I've just got electrical fixtures and the garage door to pick and we'll be fixed. I'm trying to get everything done before Eli gets here...because I have a feeling my priorieties are going to change a little! We think the house will be finished in about 6-7 weeks. EXCITING!!!!!

So, now I'm about to go make bananna pudding. It's a guy in my work group's birthday so we're celebrating tomorrow. My boss asked him what kind of cake he wanted and he said he didn't want cake, he wanted my bananna pudding.

2008-04-28T21:22:00.002-05:00

Open mouth...insert foot
We've got about 3 weeks until our little guy gets here. I'm so excited to see what he looks like and what his personality is like. People continuously say to me that if your first one is good...watch out...your 2nd is going to be terrible. Not so sure why they have to share that type of info, but they do. Speaking of info that doesn't have to be shared...a girl at work told me I looked like a "weeble, wable" the other day - then a few days later when I saw her she said I was "large and in charge"....um, some things you should just think and not say.

I had jury duty today and on the way into the court house was stopped by a young hispanic woman who was trying, in broken English, to ask me where to go to pay a ticket. We ended up in the elevator together and she said "you are very big...2 babies?" No, just 1, was my reply. "Are you sure? You are very big" was her response. She went on to say how "heavy" the baby must be. I'm sure she went well, but come on.

Eli is very, very active right now. Wednesday we go to the Dr. and they'll try to see if he's still breech. If he can't tell when he does the cervical check, they'll do an ultrasound. Probably will do an ultrasound either way b/c they want to try to see how big he is. I'm guessing 8 lbs. 4 oz. we'll see!

My worries
Right now the thing I'm worried most about is being able to nurse. I tried with Carlee for almost 2 weeks but never got milk. I was extremely sad, and felt like a terrible mother - like I was just giving up. But soon decided that I was doing all I could...and Carlee would be just fine. I've had people tell me that probably the reason she has asthma and allergies is becuase I didn't nurse. Maybe, Maybe not. I've done a lot of research this time and found that there is a disorder of underdeveloped glandular tissue that can cause a low to non-existant milk supply. From what I read, women with this are often times more successful on a 2nd pregnancy, but can take up to 2 weeks or more for milk to come in. I really, really want to be successful this time. But, if I'm not, I don't want to feel like I did last time...who wants to anticipate feeling sad. So, I'm trying to work through it all ahead of time - I don't think it's working!

Back at it...

2008-04-16T20:53:00.009-05:00

Well, it's been a long time. The thought of sitting in front of the computer when I get home from work just isn't that appealing to me these days. But, I've got so much excitement going on I'll tough it out tonight! :)

Eli and Me
I'm feeling pretty o.k. - considering I'm pretty sure he's about 3 feet tall right now! Or maybe not. I've been complaining about how big I'm certain he is - and he'll probably end up being tiny! He's very, very active. Much more than Carlee I think. Wakes up at 4 a.m. every day - so I roll over and put my belly up against Chris...if I'm going to be awake, so is he! Aren't I sweet? I can't wait to meet this little guy. I went tonight to bring dinner to my friends who have 2 week old twins and I got to hold both of them...so precious. They are amazing parents and love this little boy and girl like crazy! I love it!

Carlee
My sweet little Carlee just about caused her mommy to have a break down night before last! I was helping my mom do her taxes online, so I was a great mom and put Carlee in memaw's bedroom to watch Strawberry Shortcake. Chris was gone to meet with the builder, so he couldn't entertain her. She mentioned while I was getting her movie started that she wanted to paint her toenails...I told her we would paint them later - she requested pink and I agreed. So, about 5 minutes later she comes walking down the hallway saying "mommy, I need to wash my hands". I smelled the distinct smell of fingernail polish before I saw her...hands and feet were covered in red nail polish! Which meant that it was also probably all over my mom's bedroom...yep...on her comforter and in the carpet! So, we used acetone to get it out of the carpet but couldn't get it out of the comforter. I guess memaw will be getting new bedding from the Harris' when we move out! Carlee is so sweet that it's hard to get mad at her when stuff like that happens. She said "is it pretty mommy?"

And...the house!
We've got drywall!! They're going to start bricking Monday and I'm meeting with the floor guys tomorrow to get everything measured. I really like the hardwoods and tile that we picked out!

The same random thoughts

2008-03-28T07:32:00.003-05:00

I'm taking another vacation day today. This time to get a few things ready for the consignment thing and to get some things organized...it's out of controll in this little house. If I go to my due date, then I've got 7 weeks left. Amazing how un-prepared I am. But, I don't feel stressed for some reason. I sent Carlee to daycare for part of the day. Mainly becuase when we're going through her baby clothes, she wants to try all of it on - even if it's 3-6 months. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get much done. I'm not consigning much - most of it I gave away to a couple of friends. But, I've got a few things left over so guess I might as well.

Visions of the house have been dancing through my head every single night this week. We met with the electrician and the cabinet guy on Monday and since then I've been super excited-thinking about floors, cabinets, counter tops, paint colors etc. etc. I usually sleep until about 2:30, then it's all over. From then on my brain is in high gear. Maybe I'll take a nap today too.

Yesterday they delivered the brick, so hopefully this weekend we'll get to see some of it up on the house. EXCITING! I may have already said this...but I'm for real going to kiss our builder on the lips if he'll get this house done before Carlee's birthday - I'd love to have her party there! So, we're shooting for July 1. I'm not sure how he'd feel about that (the kiss on the lips)...

Progress

2008-03-17T18:28:00.004-05:00

The front...

The safe room - Eli's closet

The back...

I'm back

2008-03-16T20:11:00.003-05:00

I've been a bit of a slacker lately (at least at blogging). But, if I'm going to be a slacker at something...I guess this is the best thing to pick!

Our house is framed, wrapped in the paper stuff, and the roof has tar paper on it. So, next is putting the shingles on and the plumbing. It actually looks like a house now (I'll post pictures tomorrow). VERY EXCITING.

I'm going to the dr. every 2 weeks now. Last time was the glucose screening - and I didn't hear anything back from them, so that means all is ok. I go again on Wednesday. I think they'll do another ultrasound sometime to see if he's still breech - but probably closer to my due date. He's very, very active. All hours of the day and night. I'm sleeping about 3 hours a night right now, which I guess is good practice for when he gets here! I feel like I'm VERY unprepared for his arrival. I think I'll start getting ready. I'm so, so, so thankful for the huge amount of clothes and boy things that my wonderful friend gave me! (Thanks Becca!) What an amazing blessing.

I think I'm going to bed. Chris says I snore so loud now that he can't sleep with me. That's what happens when your belly sticks out over your toes...

Six Years

2008-03-02T15:44:00.002-06:00

Six years ago, on Sunday, March 3rd, my dad died in a truck, on the side of the Muskogee Turnpike. I think I probably talk about this too much. Probably to the point of driving people crazy. I've got a lot to talk about today, so bear with me.

I was living in Russellville then. Working at Tech. I had a piece of junk car that always had problems...I'm so thankful for that car. It happened that the week before the accident, my car would not go in reverse. So, I called and told my dad. He wanted to come get it and take a look. So, on Monday he and my mom drove to Russellville to get it. We hung out in my dorm apartment for a while, then drove over to where my car had last died. My mom was driving it home and he was following behind in his truck. So, I rode in his truck from the parking lot, back to my dorm. He dropped me off and said "love you sis". And they went home.

It turned out the car had serious problems, so on Wednesday, my friend Cindy drove me to Charleston to meet my dad and get my mom's car to drive until it got fixed. That was the last time I ever saw or talked to him. If it wasn't for that old piece of junk car, I wouldn't have seen him two times that week.

My mom was planning to go to Tulsa that weekend to watch Bryce and Garrett play ball. Since I had her car, my dad decided to go with her. I took mom's car to Harrison to see Chris for the weekend. It snowed on Friday night and Saturday, but had warmed up on Sunday and the roads seemed o.k. Chris and I went on a walk around his neighborhood that afternoon and we were about to go to his friends house to visit. When we walked in to the door from walking, I noticed that I had missed calls from my sister on my cell phone. I listened to the message and she was screaming for me to call her. I called her right back and she told me that mom and dad had been in a bad accident - that mom was in critical condition and they wouldn't tell her anything about dad. She was crying and screaming at me...telling me to come to Muskogee to the hospital but to be careful because the roads were bad. I fell to my knees in the living room of Chris' apartment.

Just hours before, mom and dad left Tulsa - they stopped at Garden Ridge on the way out of town to pick up flowers for the Cemetary in Waldron then headed towards Greenwood. When they got just past the 2nd toll booth on the Muskogee Turnpike, a truck driving towards Tulsa hit a patch of ice and crossed the median - hitting my mom and dad's full sized Dodge pick-up head-on. Mom was reading a book, and remembers that he said "watch out" and threw himself over her. Both my dad and the man and woman in the truck that hit them died instantly at the sceen. My mom was the only survivor. When they crashed, my mom's glasses fell off. She is basically blind without them. She could see a blury figure of my dad, but couldn't really see him.

After I got the call, I couldn't think of how to get to Muskogee from Harrison. Chris and I just got in the car and drove. I prayed out loud, not knowing what was going on, but praying that God would spare my mom and dad, that he would save them. When we got to Dover, I got a phone call from Kerry. Chris pulled over at a gas station. She told me that mom was conscious and it looked like she was going to be ok. They had been in to see her and she recognized them. She said they were moving her to Fort Smith. Relief. I could breathe again. "How's dad" was my next question...her answer changed my life forever. She said "He's Gone" and I can remember saying "no he's not"...I screamed and yelled - almost out of controll. Kerry told me later that it was the hardest thing she's had to do, telling me over the phone when all of them were together at the hospital. I remember saying over and over and over..."what are we going to do". I don't even know that I knew Chris was in the car with me - that drive from Dover to Fort Smith was the longest drive of my life. When we got to the emergency room, there was already an elderly couple from my mom and dad's church waiting. No one from my family was there yet. Chris and I sat by ourselves waiting for the ambulance to get there with mom. Not long after, my grandma, aunt and uncle got there and I hugged and hugged them. It felt good to have someone who was hurting with me there to hug. They had to wait to transport mom until they could get a paramedic - rather than an EMT becuase of her condition. We sat in the emergency room waiting room for about 3 hours before she finally got there. When they pulled up to the door, I stood waiting for them to bring her in and a young orderly asked me to move away from the door - I remember yelling at him. My aunt pulled him aside and said something to him, and they let me wait by the door. When they came in, I couldn't recognize her. Her face was bruised and bloodied and she was extremely swolen. They rushed her past me into surgery. While we waited for her to get to the hospital, and while she was in surgery, people started coming in droves. Family, friends, people from my mom and dad's church. It was unbelievable. It was hard to grieve for my dad becuase we were so worried about my mom. When the doctor came out he told us that they didn't have to do surgery. In Muskogee, they said she had "internal trunk injuries" and a broken hip. When they got into surgery, they discovered no internal injuries and her hip was not broken - severely injured, but not broken. The newspaper even reported that she had internal injuries. I believe it was a miracle. Without a doubt. Later on, I saw a picture of the truck they were riding in and there's just no way she should have survived.

The doctor said that she wanted to see me and my aunt, so we went back into the recovery room. I put my face up against hers...she said "I'm sorry about your daddy". We cried together.

She was in the hospital for about 2 weeks. We waited until Thursday to have dad's memorial service so that she was well enough to be able to go. Melissa, Tricia, Kerry and I had to go to the funeral home and make all of the arrangements. I'll never forget walking in the room with all of the caskets and having to pick out the one they would put my dad in. It was terrible. That whole process is just terrible.

On the day of the funeral, they transported mom to the church in a non-emergency ambulance. She was in a lot of pain - more than I can imagine both emotionally and physically. Her ribs were broken, her fingers were broken, her ankle was broken...she was bruised and battered. She didn't get to go to the graveside service because they had to bring her back to the hospital. It was all very surreal - we didn't have an open casket. None of us (including my mom) ever saw him. I'm ok with that. I wanted to remember him playing with my nephews and being a super grandad...not lying in a casket. So, we played a slideshow of pictures of him, talked about him, told stories, laughed, cried and sang songs. He would never have believed the number of people who came to his service. It was all kind of a blur.

Now, 6 years later, I'm still sad. I still miss him. I still wish he was here to play with Carlee and Eli. I wish that they could experience what a great grandad he was. That he could take them for horse rides and drive them up and down the road on his tractor. That they could ride around on his back in the living room and he would buck them off like a bull. I wish I could see his big hands, that I could hear him say "awe bull" one more time, and that I could hear him say "love you sis" one more time.