I've struggled a little with whether to post this--I'm typically pretty guarded. But I'm confident my struggle is similar to that of a lot of other people, so here we are.
If you've known me long, you know that my weight has gone up and down my entire life. You probably even know of my most recent weight loss. Two years ago I decided to try Metabolic Research Center. Within 4 months of eating almost nothing, and drinking lots of protein supplements, I lost around 40 lbs. I felt amazing. I was getting up at 4:30 a.m. to work out before work, running 5k's, and was very encouraged by the compliments of people who noticed the weight loss. I stopped going to MRC in February, knowing that I had things under control. And I did. I kept the weight off for several months. Then, in late October I injured my ankle running on the treadmill and had to stop running for 6 weeks. That 6 weeks turned into 6 months...and now a year. And the lack of exercise turned into eating anything I wanted. And no exercise and eating anything I wanted turned into no energy... and here we are, back to the girl who felt terrible.
This is a lack of self-discipline that I can't hide. It's totally visible to all who knew me then and know me now. I'm super disappointed in myself. Losing the weight initially was such hard work. Like really, really hard. And now that hard work was for not. Ugh.
I know for certain that in order to be at a healthy weight, I have to work hard every single day. I have to be disciplined in so many areas of my life (work, family, schedules, etc.) that in selfish childishness, I've been telling myself that in this area I'm going to do what I want to do, not what I need to do.
You know what? It stinks. But, it's life. And I know for sure that I'm not the only one with these struggles (though it feels like it some days). I also know a lot of people with amazing self-discipline, who have the same responsibilities and time constraints I have--so there's no doubt it's possible.
Though I lost weight with MRC, I'll never do anything like that again. It's not a reasonable way to live. I have to control my diet and find a way to get some serious activity back in my life. Likely that means going back to a 4:30 a.m. date with the treadmill; that doesn't sound fun at all.
More sleep, more exercise, a healthy diet--sounds like some big changes are about to happen around here.
Now...who wants to hold me accountable?
4 comments:
I know how hard I struggle to get it all in....and I don't have the kids and family to keep up with like you do. But I do know that you can achieve great things...so this won't be easy, but you can do it! :)
You are such a beautiful person inside and out that the rest of the world doesn't notice your weight like you do. But you know that I can totally relate to your struggle with the scale and your avoidance of "melba toast" as the solution. One of these days, we will reach our (melba toast-free) goals!! I just know it!!!:)
Audrey, I just love you. You're always making me smile. Thanks for the encouraging words... And may we never eat Melba toast again. ;)
Thank you Brittney, you're such a great encourager... I think it may be your gift! :)
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