Sunday, February 10, 2008

What it must be like

As soon as I heard the music start this morning, I felt tears rising. My dad has been gone almost 6 years now. "I Can Only Imagine" played at his funeral. I don't feel sad about him not being here when I hear the song. Although it is a trigger that brings up lots of memories of that time. But, it's not what brings tears. When I hear the words of that song it really paints a picture for me of what I think he must have experienced when he met Jesus.

I can't imagine my dad "dancing" for Jesus - that kind of makes me laugh because I picture him dancing at Kerry's wedding. I think maybe Jesus decided dad would be one of the ones who is standing still in awe of Him!

I worried so much about him right after he died. I kept feeling like he was alone and wouldn't know what to do or how to take care of himself. (Crazy, I know). He was so quiet and kept to himself...and he relied on my mom so much. She was his voice. She took care of him. Cooked his breakfast every morning, packed his lunch, did his laundry, cooked his supper, paid the bills...everything. He wasn't one of those people who could just walk up to anyone and talk. In fact, most of my friends would tell you that they never heard him talk. He didn't even talk to me that much. When I would call home from college, I always hated it when he answered the phone becuase we didn't have anything to talk about. He'd always ask me how my car was running - that's all he knew to ask. He only got to meet Chris one time - about 2 weeks before he died. We went and ate dinner at a little Mexican resturant in Greenwood. My sister asked him later what he thought about Chris and he said "He don't talk much". Funny stuff.

It's still hard for me to imagine how he's making it without my mom. I used to have this huge desire to find out as much out about heaven as I could. I think I just wanted the assurance that he's being taken care of. I want to know what it's like - that he's ok - that he's not alone. It's hard to wrap my mind around something so amazing.

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