Well. It's starting. Gone are the days of Carlee being completely care-free. She has become a self-conscious little girl. And, it makes me sad.
We went to a wedding Saturday night. Carlee was the only little girl there her age who wasn't a flower girl. The other three girls (including her cousin Jenna) were all in matching "twirly" flower girl dresses (and we all know how Carlee feels about twirly dresses). She looked really, really cute - even if she wasn't in a flower girl dress. But, she didn't "feel" like she was as cute as they were.
While we were having dinner at the reception, Carlee broke off a piece of her bread, walked over to me and whispered "mom, can we go give this to the wedding girl?" My sweet tender hearted girl. I told her I thought the wedding girl already had bread, but we could go say hi to her. She said "no thank you" and put her little head down.
When it came time to dance, she went out on the floor and did ballerina twirls...looked like she was having a ball. Then, 'the wedding girl' picked up each of the flower girls and danced with them...and Carlee stood back and watched. I kept seeing her get close to her, but then back up. When it came time to leave, I put her in her car seat and saw big tears falling down her face. When I asked her what was wrong she said "momma, I was trying so hard to think of a cool dance, and I just couldn't." Oh sissy, your dancing was beautiful. "But momma, I wanted to do a cool dance like the other girls, and I just couldn't think of anything". I assured her several times that her dancing was cool. Then, it occurred to me that she was sad because she didn't get to dance with the 'wedding girl'. When I asked her if that's why she was sad, she said "yes, I wanted to, but I was too shy."
So, my sister is getting married this weekend and will be a beautiful 'wedding girl'. We have secured a dance with her! Carlee said "I'm not shy at Lissa, just people I don't know." (Lissa is her Aunt Melissa). We've got her twirly dress all ready too.
Even though I knew it wasn't a big deal, in her little precious, tender heart, it was a big deal. And it made me so sad to see her sad.
I really hope boys are easier.