Monday, November 19, 2007

Emotional Messiness

I'm OK now

Yesterday I had a bit of a break-down moment with my friend at church (thanks Becca). All she did was ask how I was feeling...a simple question it would seem. I'm apparently an emotional mess right now. I started off the morning bossing Chris around and getting him fired up, then while talking to him about leading our home group, came to the realization that I absolutely am not where I need or want to be spiritually...which made me more frustrated with myself (and a little bit with him for some reason) - I'm pretty certain that was not God's intent when He pointed that out to me...I'm thinking he wanted less anger and more desire to just start doing it! But, in my emotional messiness, I just got angry with myself.

A pain in my heart

This morning when Chris and I were driving to work we got stopped in traffic about 15 minutes into the drive. It was really foggy, so we were sure there was either a wreck or a stop light out. After about 30 minutes of sitting in traffic we got to the scene of an accident. I shouldn't have looked at the car - but I did - and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I knew instantly there was no way a person could have survived. My heart broke. I felt (and still feel) emotions come up that I haven't felt in a really, really long time. I couldn't help but think of the family that was going to get that terrible phone call this morning...one that was going to change their lives forever. My heart broke for them - knowing that that they will always have to wonder if the person they loved was scared? did they know what was happening? were they in pain? And, the realization that on Thursday, when Thanksgiving comes around, they aren't going to be there and Christmas, and birthdays and every other special time...lives are changed forever in just a second. I found out later in the day that this was a single mother with a daughter in her first year of college and one in 4th grade. Please pray for them today. My prayer is that people surround and love these girls the same way they did me, my sisters and my mom when we had to go through it. I don't think it ever gets easier...you just get used to it.

1 comment:

Matt and Becca said...

I'm sorry, Becky. that must have really brought back a flood of memories for you. And that poor family... ugh. Makes me so sad.

I hope you feel better soon, emotionally and otherwise. I am here for you anytime. Maybe we should go out to dinner by ourselves sometime soon. We can both vent and get it out of our systems. :)

love you!